Archive for the ‘Licking’ Category

Wednesday Funbag-Liners

Teenage girl: Ohmigod. Doesn't she know that the "having big boobs" thing is, like, not in anymore? –86th St Overheard by: Kevin Girl to another: It splashed on my boob… Then he slurped it off! –Charles & 4th Overheard by: Eric 20-something guy, singing: I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna find my motherfucking sock, 'cause I don't know where it is. I wanna touch some boobs… –Pratt Institute Angry hobo to college chick with big boobs zipping up her jacket: Don't put them titties away! –5th & 21st Elderly woman to husband: I keep my business in my bosom! –Carnegie Deli

There's Nothing Like a Staten Island Banana Split

Man #1: So I'm lookin down there, and I see my girlfriend tugging at her crotch.
Man #2: Why?
Man #1: Well, it turns out she was masturbating with a banana, and she squashed it and it exploded inside of her! Haha!
Man #2: That's completely disgusting, your girlfriend is a freak and you should reconsider licking her butt, like you said you do for her. –Staten Island Overheard by: TOOBxSOCKS

Presenting the Wednesday One-Liners Lollipop

Girl: He’s like, "Why so cold?" and I’m like, "You licked my ear! You licked my ear! You licked my ear! I cannot emphasize enough that you licked my ear." –43rd & 9th Girl on cell: So if he licked my pussy, would it ruin our friendship? –W 4th Street Eight-year old boy: Can I please lick your eyeball, mom? –Museum of Natural History Overheard by: thankfully, not the mom 20-something woman talking to friends: So, having some guy really close to your ear with his tongue out is the most horrifying thing ever… Some guy just licked me on the subway. He emptied, like, an entire tube of toothpaste on my hair and back and then proceeded to lick it off me…I got to work and went to the bathroom. I washed my hair, and scrubbed my back raw, but I didn’t feel clean until I got home and took a shower. –Gift Shop, The Metropolitan Museum of Art Overheard by: Lauren Weiss Girl to friend: And then she bent over and he licked her ass. –Astor Place Subway Station Overheard by: Shane and Sammy Pretentious redhead: So I said, "Please don’t lick me. I’m just trying to do my job." –Uptown E Train Overheard by: wondering where she works

How Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center Of a Wednesday One-Liner?

Chick on cell: It's all about the eyeball lick. Tell her. –59th St & 9th Ave Overheard by: aenigma NYPD cop: I would rather lick the street than ever smell your fart again. –Forsyth St & E Houston St Overheard by: Dave-o Teen girl to friends: He's so gross! Seriously, I'd rather lick my cat's asshole than hook up with that guy! –Barnes & Noble, Bayside Guy at bar to friend: I can't believe you married a woman who won't lick your asshole. –Ale House, MacDougal St Random woman: Why do you always insist on licking my elbow? –86th & 3rd Overheard by: Jana

How Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center of a Wednesday One-Liner?

Chick: How am I supposed to exercise my authority when people are asking me, ‘Do you want to lick it?’?! –Churrascaria Plataforma Dude: I used the little bathroom in the back, and there was sauce all over the toilet. I wanted to lick it up. –DiFara’s Pizzeria Teen boy: Oh my god, Barrett Foa! He’s so hot… I want him to lick my vagina! Oh, my poor, crusty vagina… –Stage door of Golden Theatre Overheard by: Emo Barbie Julia Hipster boy: I will climb down on those tracks and lick that third rail. I will lick it! –L train Overheard by: how many hot dogs? Punk chick: Why are you so disgusted by licking other people’s eyeballs? –17th Ave, Brooklyn

Lucky Bastards

Chick #1: Just like that, for no reason?
Chick #2: Yeah.
Chick #1: That’s so weird! Usually when a guy licks you, there’s some kind of context.
Chick #2: What about that time a hobo licked me? That wasn’t in context.
Chick #1: Yeah, but hobos don’t need context. –23rd & Lex Overheard by: Larry