Archive for the ‘Licking’ Category

There's No Wednesday One-Liners Like Show Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster Pee-wee Herman lookalike to friend: Oh, and when I give her anilingus to let me direct a show? You're totally gonna be in it! –Q Train Overheard by: Flea Man: I believe some of this will be made up. –Going into Wicked, Broadway Overheard by: CAM Black highschool girl: Oh my god, why do they keep singing? —In the Heights, Broadway Musical Overheard by: Cookie Woman in Jersey accent: Is this the one about the boy who wants to be a horse or the girl who wants to be a fish? –At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre Overheard by: HarlemRy Daniel Radcliffe fan girl: I have to be in this show some day. Even if I'm eighty, I gotta be in this show with him. I'd be like, "put it in me! Put it in me!" –At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre Overheard by: Nikki Man leaving Hair: Well, that beats the hell outta Shakespeare! –Outside Delacorte Theater, Central Park

What? I Was at Berkeley in the 70's

Boyfriend: What do they got, babe?
Girlfriend: Um, sandwiches, baked ziti, tossed salad…
Boyfriend: Aaaaw yeeeah. Tooossed saalaad.
Girlfriend: Alex…
Older 50-something: What, what's so funny? What?
Boyfriend: Um…yeah, no. Nothing, I was just being stupid.
(girlfriend giggles)
Older 50-something: What?
(boyfriend whispers in 50-something's ear and she looks confused for a second)
Older aunt: Oh. You mean a rim job. –Outdoor Cafe, 1st & 7th

I'm Starting to Care That the Girl Has an Orgasm

Girl #1: So wait… You have trouble orgasming?
Girl #2: Yes! It's like impossible for me to come through sex alone.
Girl #1: But fingering and oral works?
Girl #2: Well, yeah.
Girl #1 to guy friend: How ya hanging in there, Matt?
Matt: I need to start hanging out with more guys. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Wednesday Funbag-Liners

Teenage girl: Ohmigod. Doesn't she know that the "having big boobs" thing is, like, not in anymore? –86th St Overheard by: Kevin Girl to another: It splashed on my boob… Then he slurped it off! –Charles & 4th Overheard by: Eric 20-something guy, singing: I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna find my motherfucking sock, 'cause I don't know where it is. I wanna touch some boobs… –Pratt Institute Angry hobo to college chick with big boobs zipping up her jacket: Don't put them titties away! –5th & 21st Elderly woman to husband: I keep my business in my bosom! –Carnegie Deli

5-to-7-Day Liners

Girl: Lisa went down on me while I was on my period. I decided just to roll with it. –Frying Pan Bar Professor: Let's all go home and menstruate! My goal in this class is to get all of you on the same schedule. –NYU Overheard by: Leslie Upscale female suit on cell: I'm totally on the rag, but you can still lick my asshole. –Park Slope Overheard by: The Trooper Gay guy on cell: I'm so cranky, I feel like I'm a girl who's on her period and pregnant. –Park Ave & 29th St Big black guy, loudly on phone: Why you bitchin at me because I won't cleeeeen behind you? I'm not gonna clean your nasty period ass offa the toilet! (nearby people begin laughing) Bitch, even the people on the streets be laughing at you! –123rd St & Manhattan Ave

We're All a Few Paychecks Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: He's Indian! How can he be homeless? –Union Square Crazy Asian lady: I think everyone should experience jail and being homeless at least twice in life, so I need to go to jail again. –Pinkberry, 32nd St Suit, screaming: Why the fuck did I go to school? Look at these homeless people. They have a perfect life. Free samples at every corner. Apple Store is open 24/7, which means good shelter. Gahh! –Union Square Overheard by: hespeakstruth Flamboyantly elegant gay guy to female friend: Would you rather lick this entire subway platform or have a homeless woman eat your pussy? –Times Square Overheard by: Katie

Wednesday One-Liners Look Good Enough to Eat

Boy: Ew! Honey and ass!? –48th & 8th Overheard by: urbanadventurer Guy to friend: I felt like her eyes were going to eat my face. –Bleecker & Charles Overheard by: Jacob 40-something man to 20-something girl: I just wanna nibble your birthmark. –5th Ave & 9th St Guy against pillar: I'll suck your ass… If you want it. –J Train