Archive for the ‘Licking’ Category

She Was Like, “One Ringworm to Rule Them All”

Whole Foods employee #1: They called me and said some lady was in Whole Body licking all the the nail polishes.
Whole Foods employee #2: Licking the nail polishes? Shit. Well, there was this one time they said a woman was walking around with one shoe off, so I went to check, and she had some infection or some shit, and one foot was like…Hobbit-sized.
Whole Foods employee #1: Wow! So she had a Frodo-foot?
Whole Foods employee #2: Yeah, a Frodo-foot. That's when you just start banning people.

–1 Train

Overheard by: percivalundercover

One Wednesday One-Liner to Live

Woman, pushing baby in stroller through flock of pigeons and hearing him laugh hysterically: Yeah, yeah, sometimes it's the little things in life.

–76th St

Overheard by: jaytro

Guerrilla Top of the Rock marketer: Carpet munching can get you far in life.

–Rockefeller Center

Twelve-year-old girl at Tila Tequila's book signing: This is the greatest day of my life.

–Barnes & Noble, Tribeca

Overheard by: Helene and Kristina

Short fat white woman to tall older man: Well, I really have no problem with spending life in jail. I really don't.

–Father Demo Square

Man, not moving: This place is draining the life out of me.

–IKEA Store

Overheard by: Les Izzmore

Train operator: This is a life-altering bound r train. Prepare to be amazed. Next stop, Nirvana.

–R Train

Or So I've Read in the Encyclopedia Entry on “Sex”

Student #1: Well, one reason that we see a lot of tongues in Japanese monster culture might be because of an inherent aversion to bodily fluids! Like I heard Japanese people take showers before and after sex.
Student #2: Plus, in Hentai there's always way more fluids in the sex scenes than there really should be.
Student #3: Besides, there's a lot of tongue use in sex.
Professor: Well, why do you suppose that is?
Student #3: Because you like, lick stuff! Jeez!

–East Asian Studies Class, Columbia University

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Wednesday One-Liners Star in Dude, Where's My Brother?

Black man handing out leaflets: Your feet are like chicken nuggets, and I want to eat them!

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex Bailey

Father to toddler: Well, what if I go crazy and bite your butt off?

–M&M World Store

Hispanic man to friends: Yo, man–I eat that pussy from *behind*!

–61st & 3rd

NYU guy: No, I don't condone cannibalism. Though I could see why you think I would.

–NYU Elevator

Overheard by: queenofscots

Wednesday One-Liners Learned to Drive Badly in Foreign Lands

20-something guy on cell: In the eight-minute cab ride it went from her telling him he was wearing a cheap coat to her licking his face!

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Overheard by: Robert

Conductor: We are not moving because of a switch problem at 125th. If you are in a hurry, there are taxis upstairs.

–Uptown D Train

Overheard by: Wes

30-something man in Santa suit on cell: Where the fuck is my fucking taxi, bitch?

–Lafayette & Spring

Cop pulling over a cabbie: Why did you honk? Where did you see danger? Where did you see danger? Besides behind your own wheel…

–Times Square

Woman cut off by cab while crossing the street: Oh my god! I'm getting cab-fucked left and right!

–Broadway & Spring

Overheard by: Marc