Archive for the ‘Lies’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Could Quit if They Wanted to

Guy: Okay, here’s the plan: we paint your van, then you have sex with Susan, then I’ll have sex with…someone else. Then we both smoke a lot of weed… –1st Ave Overheard by: chris & daile Teen boy: Yo, I just stopped smoking weed, cause, like, I heard it was bad for you. So I started smoking cigarettes again. –G train Queer on cell, taking deep drags of cigarette: No, I’m not! I told you I quit. [Exhales] Umm, that was just me blowing my bangs out of my eyes. –Outside Bally Fitness, 50th St Smoker: I read somewhere that if you quit smoking by the time you are middle aged your body can still recover, and I thought, “Great I still have a couple more years to quit.” Then I read what they define “middle aged” as. I’m fucked! –Upper East Side gallery

He Also Blew the Whistle on Big Tobacco

Hipster girl on cell: Kim, I’m such a spaz! I forgot it was Wednesday, and I forgot I was supposed to meet you for lunch. So I’m on the Upper East Side and –
Black guy yelling: No, you ain’t! You at Union Square, bitch!
Hipster girl on cell: –Sorry. I’m on the Upper East Side and I don’t have time to go downtown right now.

–Union Square