Archive for the ‘Lies’ Category

Wednesday One-Liner, -Liner, Pants on Fire!

Guy pedalling rickshaw, on cell: No, I can’t get there. I have no bike right now. No, I’m on the train at the moment.

–34th & Broadway


Man on cell
: No, I’m not outside!…I’m in the bank!…I’m in the bank…I’m telling you, I’m in the bank!


–Barnes & Noble, Union Square Middle-Eastern dude on cell: Right now I am coming in a taxi cab from JFK Airport…Yes, well, I understand your concern, but you see, I am driving the taxi. –Starbucks, Columbus Circle Overheard by: math tinder

It Depends on Whether She Swallows

Girl #1: Aw, he sent me a message that says “Sweet dreams, gorgeous.”
Girl #2: Hmm. Isn’t that what they say to Mafioso girlfriends before they slit their throats and throw them in the East River? –Morningside Heights Overheard by: djlindee Yuppie #1: …and it’s not just because she’s a chick.
Yuppie #2: Yeah, it’d be the same if she were a dude.
Yuppie #1: Totally! And it’s not because I really like to work, because I don’t.
Yuppie #2: Totally! –Dock’s Oyster Bar, 40th & 3rd Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Someone Should Complain to Her Soup-ervisor

Bag lady: Ladies and gentlemen, my husband and I are homeless. We can’t stay at our shelter during the day so we come on the train to get food. Today we are asking for money so we can do laundry. Anything you can give will help.
Hobo: Why don’t you just admit that you’re gonna buy crack? I’m in the same line of work, don’t believe her. –N train

Wednesday One-Liners Did Chop Down That Cherry Tree

Well dressed party-goer: No, like, I went to Princeton -we lied all the time.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Cuny Graduate

Dude on cell: Okay… Great. Yeah. But I gotta go. My mom’s calling. [Hangs up, shoves phone in pocket.]

–Wagner College, Staten Island

Overheard by: Squiggs

Woman on cell: I just don’t understand why he got so freaked out about it. I said "I love you" -big fucking deal. That doesn’t mean anything. I could have been lying. I was lying, for Christ’s sake.

–L Train

Crazy hobo: Hillary Clinton is a liar, she lies. We’ve been married for 28 years and she won’t admit to it. Liar. Afraid of integration, that’s Hillary.

–E Train

Overheard by: Liz Beaux

Suit on cell to his wife: Yeah… Yeah… Oh, honey, I have to go, this is it, the train’s here. Bye! [Clicks over to the other line.] Hey buddy! How’s it going!

–125th St. Subway platform

Overheard by: EthanK

Twentysomething player on cell, picking fresh hairs off him : I feel you, I feel you, I can’t meet up with you now, I have to go to Forest Hills to get my haircut.

–N Train

Overheard by: john

Guy on cell: Most people lie to get out of jury duty and here I am being honest about NAMBLA.

–73rd & 2nd

Overheard by: melissa

Romance Is Dead, but Wednesday One-Liners Keep on Coming

Guy to girlfriend: Will you just hold my fucking hand?

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: waiting for my prince charming Guy: You know, I used to think cheating on girls was wrong.

–Whitestone, Queens

Overheard by: Michelle Young woman, looking at Lolita book jacket: Wow. This kind of reminds me of my relationship. –Borders, 33rd & 7th Overheard by: with a K Man on cell: No, dear, I do not want to hear what you’re doing to yourself right now.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Alexandra Woman, to man she’s just kissed: What was your name again?

–2nd St & 1st Ave Man on cell: My wife is driving me crazy! She keeps following my girlfriend around! Wait, hold on, I have to take this call. Hello…Yeah I just stepped out of the office for a few minutes… Thanks, honey, you’re the best. –LIRR Overheard by: Sara Swank Girl on cell: He liked me too much, so I fuckin’ dumped him. –Columbus Circle Overheard by: buffalo