Archive for the ‘Little Italy’ Category

Moral Of the Story: When in Doubt, Guess “George”

Stoner #1: Okay, so George Bush is our President, right?
Stoner #2: Yeah.
Stoner #1: If the Vice President dies, who's the President?
Stoner #2: Umm… George Washington.
(hysterical laughter)
Stoner #3: You bringing back niggas from the dead and shit.
Stoner #1: You just like my dad, we asked him who was the first President, he was like (imitates Asian accent) Oh, oh…okay, I know this, I know this… George Lincoln. –Internet Cafe, Mott St. Overheard by: Hugh

Wednesday One-Liners Look Terrible in Neon Orange

20-something woman to man: You've never been arrested? I have never met anyone that has not been arrested! –Le Charlot Restaurant, Upper East Side Angry guy on cell: If you ever send e-mail to my family again, I will wait outside your apartment door! (pause) I got arrested! I spent Thanksgiving in jail! –11th & University Overheard by: MissPinkKate Man in US Correctional Services jacket to another looking around hectically in a large crowd: Make sure we don't lose him! –Penn Station Chubby well-dressed black dude to skinny white geeky friends: Time in prison can be good for the soul! –F Train Overheard by: MissMae Guy on cell: Yeah man, she's like a young girl, and she's driving me nuts. It's like always a fight with her. I mean, she's so young, yo… But yeah, I mean, she's a sweetheart. I mean, she's a good girl. So young. Like, we've been together for 7 months and that ain't nothing to me, but to her it's a big deal. And I'm all like, shit, I've been in jail for longer than 7 months, you know, so I don't know what she's bitching about. I don't need her to make me miserable. I can make myself miserable. –Metro-North Train Overheard by: Meaghan Fran Drescher sound-alike: What's wrong with you? Don't applaud, I'm going to jail! –Eight Mile Creek, Mullberry Street Overheard by: Adam Nathan

“So That’s What I Ate for Wednesday One-Liner.”

Skinny, attractive 20-something: Yeah, that’s totally my plan: Get completely smashed every night, eat tons of eggs, then barf them all up. –E. 84th b/w 1st & York Overheard by: Holds her Liquor (and her eggs) Woman in bus on cell: George? George, you there? Oh okay, I’m on my way to the shrink’s office so I can only talk for a little while. Oh no, I’m still not feeling better, I was up all night vomiting like crazy and I’m still ridiculously gassy. Good lord, I should go to a doctor because I also have constant diarrhea. Oh George… –M66 Bus Overheard by: Stephanie Drunk guy: It was incredible. He puked and then he just disappeared. I’ve never seen anything like it. He was like the Criss Angel of puking. –Outside Lombardi’s Overheard by: Rich Girl stumbling back from the bathroom: You guys, we have to leave because I threw up all over the floor and someone saw me. –Horus NYU undergrad: So we were going to have an intervention for her, but when we went to her room, she wasn’t there. So instead we wrote on her laptop, "I’m a douche, I drink too much and throw up." –8th & University

Wednesday Blood-Liners

British lady: It must have eaten some rat poison, because it vomited up its innards and then had just enough strength left to crawl to the door before dying in a dainty pool of blood. –1 train Teacher to girl who just cut herself with Exacto knife: Would you stop leaking?! Your blood is going to stain the linoleum! –Bronx Science engineering class Overheard by: LSB Suit on cell: Why isn’t it done? Why isn’t it fucking done? Was it your intention to make my ass bleed today? Was it? –41st & Broadway Girl: My grandma always washes my bloody underwear. –1 train Guy to girlfriend: Your hair tastes like fake blood. –Mulberry St Overheard by: Ashley Teen chick on cell: I’m going to cut my arm tonight to show you how much I love you! Yes! I’m going to cut it off! Yes! I’m going to wipe all the blood on a napkin and give it to you. How much blood there is is how much I love you… Yes! I! Am! Well, I can’t think of another way to show you how much I love you. I have to prove it somehow! Oh, I have another call, I gotta go. –Staten Island Ferry Terminal Overheard by: still recovering Hobo, taking long drink from water fountain: Ahhh, water is good! It tastes like blood! –Port Authority Overheard by: Oh My God