Archive for the ‘Long Island’ Category

Tomorrow: Cut or Uncut?

Teen Latina cashier: Jason asked me out.
Tween Latina bagger: Which Jason?
Teen Latina cashier: Jason. Honda.
Tween Latina bagger: H’mmm?
Teen Latina cashier: Blue Honda hatch…Blue Honda hatch, dual pipe. Tinted rear. Spinners.
Tween Latina bagger: Oh, yeah. –Foodtown, Bay Ridge Overheard by: Capn Midnite

Whereas Alanis Morissette Really Likes Me.

Guy: I went out with this girl recently, she was nice. I'm gonna see if she calls.
Girl: What? You're not gonna call her?
Guy: I think it takes some effort on her part, she should text or call and say thank you.
Girl: I usually do it the night of the date, saying thank you.
Guy: I think that's a sign that she doesn't like me.
Girl: I don't think so.

–LIRR

Consider Those New York Plates Revoked

A man is beeping his car horn incessantly in a traffic jam before the 59th St bridge. The guy in the car ahead of him rolls down his window, pokes his head out and calmly asks: What should I do? He rolls down his own window. Man #1: I…um…I just thought maybe you could move up a little. –Long Island City

It’s All About Rita Now, MTV Generation

Twin girl #A: Yeah, she said she was going to do the school year here.
Unique girl: She came from Kentucky? Why did she come so far?
Twin girl #B: Louisiana is a state. Kentucky is another state.
Unique girl: Oh, well why’d she come to New York? Couldn’t she stay in her house in Louisiana?
Twin girl #A: Um, no, a hurricane hit New Orleans. That’s why she’s here.
Unique girl: Right, right. I forgot about that. –Kew Gardens station

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Sexting

Young female 20-something to another: Don't you ever learn anything? You can't sleep with your boss!

–42nd & Madison

Overheard by: Eric S

Guy to another, outside Apple store: Well, first you have to find him, then fund him, and then fuck him.

–14th St

Girl on cell: I've had really bad first base that turned into really good sex.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Rob Gioia

Woman in too-tight business suit, screaming into cell: Listen, buddy, I can always find another fuck buddy!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Nunez

Where Do You Stand on Honky Tonk Bars?

Female lawyer #1: So we stopped and ate at Cracker Barrel.
Female lawyer #2: Oh, my husband loves Cracker Barrel!
Male lawyer #1: How come it's okay to have a restaurant named Cracker Barrel, but when there was a restaurant chain called Sambo's, they were forced to change their name?
Male lawyer #2: And what about the Washington Redskins?
Male lawyer #1: Yeah, imagine if they had a team named The Darkies?
Male lawyer #2: So how come nobody forces the Redskins to change their name?
Male lawyer #1: Cause, when's the last time you saw a mob of Indians kick someone's ass?
Male lawyer #2: Custer?
Male lawyer #1: I rest my case.
Female lawyer #2: And just what does any of this have to do with Cracker Barrel?
Male lawyer #1: You ever take a look at who eats there?

–Civil Court, Sutphin Boulevard, Jamaica

Overheard by: Big Larry

Do You Have Wednesday One-Liner Envy?

Petite Asian woman on cell: And that's when I'll cut off his penis!

–East Village

Overheard by: Katie

Guy in the middle of group photo: Okay, now everybody take your cocks out.

–The Luxor Hotel, Columbus & 81st St

Loud matronly woman on cell, exasperated: Whose penis was on your thing?

–3rd & 16th

Overheard by: Joe & Eliz

Young lesbian on cell: She kept yelling "penis!" the whole time we were doing it… Should I call her?

–Long Island City

Overheard by: Sunny

Wednesday One-Liners Still Miss the Crocodile Hunter

Girl on iPhone: It's not like he's gone and, y'know, rescuing cheetahs…

–Astoria

Lone hobo: Thanks, god… for goats, people and buses.

–Manhattan Bridge

Woman on phone: Hi, honey. Did you find the frogs with the red eyes? (pause) Oh, do you think your mom will like the quail? (pause) It's 30% off, right?

–Lincoln Center

Subway drummer: This next one is called "moose call." it goes, "yo, moose!" (pause) Hey, I didn't write it, I just made it popular.

–Shuttle to Times Square

Overheard by: Media addict

French man: It's like doing a horse. Kick him in the ass and he will kick you right back.

–Long Island City

Overheard by: Sunny

Wednesday One-Liners Think Bugs Bunny Is Gay

Fat girl to friends: You know who I want to be? Motherfucking Rainbow Brite. Bitch had a flying horse.

–29th & 7th

20-something guy, following very loud clap of thunder: By the power of Greyskull!

–Center Boulevard, Long Island City

Overheard by: mixxy5

Hobo, to no one in particular: Find me on the computer; my name's Scooby-Doo.

–Starbucks

Cop to partner: God, working with you is like working with Stewie Griffin. (whiney) Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaan… Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaan!

–Train