Archive for the ‘Long Island’ Category

Consider Those New York Plates Revoked

A man is beeping his car horn incessantly in a traffic jam before the 59th St bridge. The guy in the car ahead of him rolls down his window, pokes his head out and calmly asks: What should I do? He rolls down his own window. Man #1: I…um…I just thought maybe you could move up a little. –Long Island City

It’s All About Rita Now, MTV Generation

Twin girl #A: Yeah, she said she was going to do the school year here.
Unique girl: She came from Kentucky? Why did she come so far?
Twin girl #B: Louisiana is a state. Kentucky is another state.
Unique girl: Oh, well why’d she come to New York? Couldn’t she stay in her house in Louisiana?
Twin girl #A: Um, no, a hurricane hit New Orleans. That’s why she’s here.
Unique girl: Right, right. I forgot about that. –Kew Gardens station

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Sexting

Young female 20-something to another: Don't you ever learn anything? You can't sleep with your boss! –42nd & Madison Overheard by: Eric S Guy to another, outside Apple store: Well, first you have to find him, then fund him, and then fuck him. –14th St Girl on cell: I've had really bad first base that turned into really good sex. –LIRR Overheard by: Rob Gioia Woman in too-tight business suit, screaming into cell: Listen, buddy, I can always find another fuck buddy! –Upper West Side Overheard by: Nunez

Where Do You Stand on Honky Tonk Bars?

Female lawyer #1: So we stopped and ate at Cracker Barrel.
Female lawyer #2: Oh, my husband loves Cracker Barrel!
Male lawyer #1: How come it's okay to have a restaurant named Cracker Barrel, but when there was a restaurant chain called Sambo's, they were forced to change their name?
Male lawyer #2: And what about the Washington Redskins?
Male lawyer #1: Yeah, imagine if they had a team named The Darkies?
Male lawyer #2: So how come nobody forces the Redskins to change their name?
Male lawyer #1: Cause, when's the last time you saw a mob of Indians kick someone's ass?
Male lawyer #2: Custer?
Male lawyer #1: I rest my case.
Female lawyer #2: And just what does any of this have to do with Cracker Barrel?
Male lawyer #1: You ever take a look at who eats there? –Civil Court, Sutphin Boulevard, Jamaica Overheard by: Big Larry

Do You Have Wednesday One-Liner Envy?

Petite Asian woman on cell: And that's when I'll cut off his penis! –East Village Overheard by: Katie Guy in the middle of group photo: Okay, now everybody take your cocks out. –The Luxor Hotel, Columbus & 81st St Loud matronly woman on cell, exasperated: Whose penis was on your thing? –3rd & 16th Overheard by: Joe & Eliz Young lesbian on cell: She kept yelling "penis!" the whole time we were doing it… Should I call her? –Long Island City Overheard by: Sunny

Wednesday One-Liners Still Miss the Crocodile Hunter

Girl on iPhone: It's not like he's gone and, y'know, rescuing cheetahs… –Astoria Lone hobo: Thanks, god… for goats, people and buses. –Manhattan Bridge Woman on phone: Hi, honey. Did you find the frogs with the red eyes? (pause) Oh, do you think your mom will like the quail? (pause) It's 30% off, right? –Lincoln Center Subway drummer: This next one is called "moose call." it goes, "yo, moose!" (pause) Hey, I didn't write it, I just made it popular. –Shuttle to Times Square Overheard by: Media addict French man: It's like doing a horse. Kick him in the ass and he will kick you right back. –Long Island City Overheard by: Sunny

Wednesday One-Liners Think Bugs Bunny Is Gay

Fat girl to friends: You know who I want to be? Motherfucking Rainbow Brite. Bitch had a flying horse. –29th & 7th 20-something guy, following very loud clap of thunder: By the power of Greyskull! –Center Boulevard, Long Island City Overheard by: mixxy5 Hobo, to no one in particular: Find me on the computer; my name's Scooby-Doo. –Starbucks Cop to partner: God, working with you is like working with Stewie Griffin. (whiney) Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaan… Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaan! –Train