Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

Money Can't Buy Me Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell: And then she said "dammit, I'm in love with a 52-year-old gay man," and I was like "well, who isn't?"

–Astoria

Overheard by: AnotherFagHag

Man on cell: So I told her, "I missed you more than I loved you," but I didn't mean it in a bad way.

–6th Ave & 17th St

Overheard by: memzilla

Black student to black girl sitting next to him: See that's why niggas don't tell bitches they love 'em!

–St. John's University

Overheard by: naha

Thug on cell: No, no. I love your whole ass as issss.

–Broadway & Beaver

Girl to group of friends: Right, I'm so incapable of love because I think sex is gross!

–LIRR

Hot 20-something to another: Either he acts like he doesn't know me, or he is a total asshole. No wonder I'm in love with him.

–Union Square

White People Flee the Train Before It Gets to Wednesday One-Liners

Sassy black woman: You think I would have brunch in Harlem? I wouldn't even have lunch in Harlem!

–D Train

Overheard by: laughing

Dramatic girl on cell: But I love you. I would go to Harlem and back for you!

–Starbucks

Girl: Wow, Harlem is like a cultural playground. There are stores and everything.

–Metro-North

Columbia freshman girl: I would never let anybody in Harlem touch my vagina.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Meagan

Wednesday One-Liners Say “Merry Fuckmas, New York!”

Large group of people dressed like Santa: What do we want? Christmas! When do we want it? Now!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: TR

Gay guy on cell: You don't want to see white Christmas. Honey, you don't understand… That was the whitest Christmas I have ever seen.

–Broadway & 43rd

20-something woman to 20-something guy, in April: It wouldn't be Christmas without you.

–Stromboli's Pizza

Mom to child yelling at her: Who do you think you're talking to? That's it, Christmas is over for you!

–135th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Yowza

Normal-looking woman to no one in particular: Look at Santa. The same letters as "Satan." Do you think Christmas has anything to do with Jesus? Where in the Bible does it say Jesus was born on December 24th? I tell you, Santa is Satan.

–Xmas Tree Stand, High School

Staples employee, in response to radio: Man! I want to move to Vietnam, or Pakistan, or wherever the fuck they don't care about Christmas.

–Staples, Union Square

Overheard by: Damon H.

Man to friend during interval: Have you heard about the Scientology Christmas pageant?

–Carnegie Hall

Dial “M” for Wednesday One-Liner

Man with entourage: So I killed one just before I went to sleep. (entourage laughs) Yeah, and I left it on her ceiling as a warning.

–Bleecker & Broadway

Dude walking down street: And if I kill him, I'm certified to bring him back to life…

–Brooklyn

Old man to another: You know, I don't even give a shit if I die anymore!

–E 84th St

Girl to friend: Why would you put the poison in milk?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michela

20-something guy: Fucking corduroy! I've gotta tell ya, I fucking love corduroy! I swear to god, I'd kill for corduroy!

–J.Crew Men's Store

Overheard by: Pedro

Wednesday One-Liners' Prints and DNA Are on File

Man dressed in briefs, on Halloween, to policeman: I want you to arrest me! She didn't listen to me! I want you to arrest me right now!

–W 17th St

Overheard by: The Girl in Vintage Formal

Slightly buzzed 40-something man, in very loud hushed tone: I know your son is in jail! Isn't he?

–Mid-Manhattan Library

Man to another: They let him go because my daughter couldn't identify him. But now she got glasses.

–Ave B & 6th St

Overheard by: Miss V

Agitated man, yelling into cell: I don't love you. I hate you. I did ten years and got seven felonies for you.

–Brooklyn

Girl to another: So I wrote "we're being kidnapped' on a piece of paper and pressed it against the window.

–Famous Famiglia, 111th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Lucy

High school girl: That nigga just got *out* of jail. That reminds me, I need to go to Bushwick.

–Grand St & Bushwick Ave

Overheard by: rpk

Wednesday One-Liners Think They Are Drinking Responsibly

Girl, as friends individually dart across street: The drunks go marching one by one, hooray, hooray!

–49th & 2nd

20-something blonde on cell outside bar: Are you drinking tonight? If not, I just want to see where you're at. Yeah, I'm drinking. I told you there's nothing I wouldn't do with you!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: maria

Girl on cell: I really miss being hungover with you. Some of my best moments were spent hungover with you…

–Union Square

Overheard by: winkinthecity

Girl, getting out of car: Man, I can't drink no more, but I tell you, I feel fiiiiiiinnneee. (girl gets back in car, which drives away)

–69th St & Narrows Ave

Overheard by: Domi

Youngish guy to youngish gal: Well, that won't stop her, she can drink through the window!

–6th Ave & 28th St

Overheard by: Eve

…Xanax?

Petite, haggard woman, suddenly changing subject: All the same, one day she's going to get stabbed.
Placid library lady: It'll work itself out. But yes, she's a bitch.
Petite, haggard woman, practically shaking: But deep down, he loves me.
Placid library lady: Sweetie, sometimes you need to let these things work themselves out.

–186th St & Hughes