Archive for the ‘Lower East Side’ Category

Wednesday One-liners? Makes No Sense

Security Guard: …and so now I have her DNA and I can, like, reproduce her any time I want. –57th & West End Overheard by: Kaitlyn Drunk: Are you going to San Francisco?…Hey, I’ve been there! Why won’t you believe me? Look at this tattoo I got there!…Shut up, bitch! –LIRR Overheard by: marissa Woman: So did you know that cheese has the same chemicals as heroin in it? That’s why people who eat cheese get so addicted to it. –1st Avenue & 4th Street Overheard by: alison

Wednesdays Pray Their One-Liners Don't Go Condo

Middle-aged woman to others: Just because she's got her own apartment, she thinks she has it all together.

–Near NYU

Overheard by: Eric

20-something guy to another, about his apartment: All I want to do in my apartment is die.

–Fort Greene, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Dodd Loomis

Woman on cell, walking briskly: There was blood all over the apartment…

–E 9th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave

Cashier to male shopper: Dude, your apartment is rent-stabilized and you have food stamps? You are so rich!

–Whole Foods, Houston & Bowery

20-something trendy Jonas Brother-looking dude on cell: No, I sleep on the couch that's in the kitchen. (short pause) I'll tell you about my apartment later.

–9th Ave b/w 14th & 15th

Overheard by: Dash

Wednesday One-Liners Clean Everything Up Before Their Parents Get Back

Black woman in trashy outfit: And he said "But the party just started, bitch, I'll take you in a few hours!" and I was like, "Nigga please! My water just broke!"

–Lower East Side

Asian bimbo on cell: I just spoke to Percy and allegedly they threw a party after we were fired, to celebrate us getting fired…but we're people too.

–181 & St Nicholas

Overheard by: must not have liked you

Hipster girl: My all-time dream is to be shot by the cobra snake at a party, with a cig in my hand and Paul* between my thighs.

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Dayn

Tattooed guy on iPhone: Yeah, I'm bringing a 250-foot Slip 'N Slide!

–7th & 13th St

Overheard by: can I come to that party?

Loud man on cell: Yo, son! Why didn't you invite to your party? Damn…c'mon! Remember that time the chick in a wheelchair was working us in the cab? Yeah, she was in a wheelchair! Remember we got a cab for her and put her in the cab? That's right–that was me! She was giving us both head.

–BBQ Restroom, 8th Ave, Chelsea

20-something woman: Wait…when is it a rule to give the host a handjob?

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Jazz

Wednesday One-Liners–No Apologies Necessary

Suit on cell: I swear, I’m going to make her the sorriest crippled girl in New York.

–Avenue C

Hipster on iPhone: Hello? I’m sorry. I can’t hear you–I have an iPhone.

–6th & 27th

Hipster girl to out-of-town friend: Sorry about the smell, this area just recently gentrified.

–Orchard Street b/w Broome & Grand

Loud, drunk, British girl to boyfriend: We don’t know each other’s minds -we can’t read each other’s minds! So when you do something I don’t like and I tell you and then later you do something I don’t like and I tell you again… Well that’s two sorries in one day! And "sorry" is just a word, but you’re learning about me! About my mind.

–Broadway & Waverly

Overheard by: rpk

Woman on cell: Oh sorry, I have to go. Remember that woman that got pregnant by a bear? Yeah, I just ran into her.

–Astor Place

Dominican to friend: And just wait until I tell them all he’s Dominican… he’ll really be sorry then!

–5th Ave, near Empire State Building

Overheard by: Rich Mintz