Archive for the ‘Lower East Side’ Category

Wanna Buy a Bridge, Wednesday One-Liners?

10-year-old tourist kid: Mom, is Brooklyn famous for its graffiti? –Coney Island-bound D train Overheard by: BB White guy, pointing: Over there in Brooklyn three-year-olds just, like, walk around! –Delancey & Essex Overheard by: Red Hair Guy walking through bar: What’s with Brooklyn and beards? –Union Hall, Park Slope Overheard by: jasonjason Guy: Brooklyn is the middle borough in terms of goodness. –Kosher Delight Thugette to double decker tour bus: Brooklyn! Brooklyn! You’re taking a tour of Brooklyn! I just got out of jail! –Brooklyn Overheard by: Staying on the bus….

Wednesday One-Liners Are Retaining Sperm

20-something woman on cell: I thought I was pregnant because I was nauseous all the time, but then I realized I was just always hungover. –111th & Broadway Overheard by: Ladle Guy to chick: What the fuck did she get pregnant for? She needed to lose some weight. –Bowery Hyper chick: He got me knocked up with this giant pretzel! –LIRR Overheard by: Pretzel Vendor 20-something girl to friend: Oh, so you're thinking because it's Memorial Day weekend you're gonna get preggers? –Hoyt-Schermerhorn Subway Sation Guy, about a couple who'd broken up: She came back to pick up her shit, and when you come back to pick up your shit, you know, shit happens, and she got pregnant. –Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn Overheard by: Ashley Lady suit on cell: Well, unless you want to get me pregnant, I'm not sure I see a way around this! –Columbus Circle

Wednesdays Are Naturally Sweetened With One-Liners

Chick on cell: As a pie-lover, I have a question. –Columbia University Overheard by: Poogins Father to toddler: No, you can't have a doughnut. You just had a doughnut yesterday. You can have another when you're…25! –Doughnut Plant, Grand & Norfolk Large older woman: I like cherry, lemon, peach, apple, and pumpkin. Other than that, I'm not a big pie person. –Central Park Bench Overheard by: Struedel Snatcher Big black guy: And she kept trying to get me to take a pie, but I kept telling her, "bitch, I ain't got no room for no pie!" –Penn Station Young lady to friend, gravely: I understand, but things have changed. That was before the chocolate bonanza. –72nd & Broadway Overheard by: T. Ryan

Democracy Clears Doesn’t Work; Back to Monarchy?

Wheeltard: Round here I’m just an idiot, but not in Brooklyn. I’m king in my neighborhood. When I cross that bridge and they see me comin’, they know I’m king. –Tompkins Square Park Overheard by: Alex Romanovich Girl: I don’t know who she thinks she is, but just because she’s got cancer doesn’t make her Queen Bitch. –Bleecker & Broadway Overheard by: Tony

It Reeks of Wednesday One-liners

Wednesday One-Liners Want You to Know About the Size of Their Bank Accounts

Yuppie on cell (trying to be discreet): Hey mom. Are you busy? Could you Google Maps me? I'm on Houston and West Broadway. Yeah, I didn't want to ask anyone for directions and make a fool of myself. Although I'm pretty sure I just did, because half of this coffee shop is looking at me now. –W Houston Overheard by: Let's face it, we were all new at one point. 40-something yuppie woman: And then I realized that my biggest problem in life is that most of the time I'm incredibly happy, but I'm not aware of how happy I am. –81st & Madison Yuppie dad to seven-year-old daughter: Now when you start buying iPods, that's when you're going to want to have a Visa card. –Stanton & Christie Overheard by: Ross Three-year-old yuppie spawn: Noooooooooooo! I don't want Pad Thai! I want sushi! –Dice Thai, Prospect Park Overheard by: I'll take sushi too but you're payin', kid

A Woman's Right to Wednesday One-Liners

Angry black woman: Why these motherfuckers always wearing "right for life" buttons, philosophizing and shit? –Dallas BBQ, Brooklyn Heights Overheard by: Mike H Student: Aborting your baby is so boring now. Everyone does it. –Bard High School Early College Drunk loud teenage Latina: Ladies and gentlemen, I am a minority and I have never had an abortion! –N Train Overheard by: g-lime Man on cell: Oh… Oh shit… Well, can't you just take a wire hanger and pull it out? Yeah, just stick the hanger in and pull it right out! Okay? Okay. Bye. –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: marge Fabulous gay guy: So, my coworkers at Olive Garden all wanted to go out for a picnic one day. Our one friend had to work though, so we told her to tell our boss she needed to go get an abortion and she actually did it! –Life Cafe, Avenue B & 10th St Overheard by: Rachel W.