Archive for the ‘Lower East Side’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Do It Doggie Style

Woman: So what if I sleep with dogs for money?

–Chrystie St & Delancey

Middle-aged woman, after being told her puppies can't enter store: That's why I live in LA, they're much more dog-friendly there. Now, can you please get me the Lady Gaga CD?

–Barnes & Noble

Young woman, seeing three-legged dog: Three-legged dogs are kinda trendy these days.

–Sunset Park

Overheard by: Matty

Woman to another, walking out of subway: I'm telling you, chihuahuas are fucking taking over the city.

–Bedford Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: J Wing

Man in '80s garb, getting off train and pumping arms in great exaltation: The dog is back!

–Steinway Street

Overheard by: Jo Ann Chism

Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now

Wide-eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?

–St Mark's & Ave A

Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I'm trippin'! Oh, god, I'm shroomin'!

–Delancey St

Professor: Take that Ritalin-Scotch-heroin cocktail… With a pop-tart!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit?

–Times Square

Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college.

–Jane & 4th St

Overheard by: M Tod

Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine's Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it's not drugs?

–The Diana Center, Barnard College

Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I'm high. (audience laughs) Don't blog that!

–Colbert Report Studios, 54th St

Overheard by: Allison

Wednesday One-Liners Should Have Hired a Sherpa

Frantic woman: Excuse me, is this the train to Manhattan?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: oliver

Tourist to companion: We've left the village now, but I don't think this is Soho.

–Stanton & Orchard

Middle-aged woman in sharp looking suit: I thought Croatia was an Asian country in Europe.

–4 Train

Woman to friends: I had four kids today label New York in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. I am such a great teacher.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mickey and Gabe

Dear Uncle Sam– Have You Thought About Creating Food Stamps Specifically for Drugs?

Dealer: You got the rest of the money?
Buyer: Yeah, it's right here–look in the sock. (hands him sock)
Dealer, looking in sock: Bitch, I ain't no grocery! I ain't take yo' food stamps! (throws contents of sock–change and stamps–all on the ground)

–Nostrand Ave & St Mark's

Overheard by: whyileftbrooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners for Tammany Hall

Girl with Obama pin: Oh my god, I can't believe I spent this whole night hanging out with a Republican!

–104th St & Manhattan Ave

Overheard by: Emily

Guy to friends: There's only one thing I want him to shove down my throat, and it's not his Republican ideals.

–43rd & 8th

Gov't. Teacher: Sometimes you wanna smack a moderate.

–Curtis High School, Staten Island

Overheard by: jules

Woman: I blame McCain for the snow.

–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Philip & Richard