Archive for the ‘Lower Manhattan’ Category

Maybe I’ll Smoke This One with My Ass

Girl: Oh my God, that’s what a smoker’s lung looks like?
Guy #1: Whoa… Yeah, I guess it is. Look, that’s what a cancerous lung looks like.
Girl: That is disgusting.
Guy #1: Really is.
Guy #2: Putrid. Absolutely grotesque.
Guy #1: Really makes you think twice about smoking. I really need a cigarette.

–Bodies Exhibition, South Street Seaport

Think They Have Italian Food?

Girl #1: Do you think there are more places to eat this way or that way?
Cop: Well, there are four that way, and two this way, but the better places are this way.
Girl #2: Can you recommend a good place to eat then?
Cop: Uh, there’s supposed to be somewhere good on the corner of Spring and Mulberry.
Girl #1: Do you know the name of the place?
Cop: Maybe Lugi’s or Lombardi’s or something, some woppy Italian name.

–Little Italy

Overheard by: San Gennaro Reveler

It Couldn’t Hurt Worse than Hearing you use the Phrase ‘Treasure Trail’

Blonde: You know what I did this morning?
Brunette: What?
Blonde: I plucked out my treasure trail with tweezers. Pain isn’t even the word.
Brunette: What the fuck? Why?
Blonde: It was too short to wax and I was impatient…
Brunette: Ummm…why didn’t you just shave it then?
Blonde: Oh hell no! It’d grow back like the next day! Shit, I’d pluck out my whole crotch if I knew I wouldn’t pass out from the pain!

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Mistress Silver

If Wednesday One-Liners Can Make It Here, They Can Make It Anywhere

Chick: Nothing says New York like a wire frog. –Battery Park Lady who has loudly complained to the waiter about the poor service: It’s people like that who give New York City a bad name. –Lindy’s, 7th Ave Overheard by: joemikehap Amateur anthropologist: Of course I have a snarky attitude! I’m a New Yorker; it’s practically a requirement! –F train Overheard by: Braincurve Tourist on cell: Yeah! I’m in New York! Yeah, it’s kinda like New Orleans, except bigger and you can’t drink in the streets. –Grand Central Man on bicycle: New York is about freedom! Suck a dick! –Astor Place Overheard by: Laura Guy watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer: See, that’s why I never leave New York. You never see crazy motherfuckers like that in New York…except for niggas on the train. –Regal Cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn Overheard by: Clitoris Rex Little girl: There’s a lot of people in this New York City! –Times Square

Voted ‘Least Likely to Get an Unconscious Date After Death’

Guy #1: Yeah, I was reading this Jehovah’s Witness pamphlet this morning, and apparently they believe that only 144,000 people will get into heaven. The rest don’t go to hell; they’re just unconscious.
Guy #2: That doesn’t sound so good. You gotta think, out of the 144,000 least sinful people on Earth, most of ‘em are going to be ugly. I’d rather be unconscious with the hot chicks.

–Broad St

Overheard by: anotherKnight

Wednesday One-Liners Cross Species Boundaries

Man, to old woman pouring paint thinner into the sewer: You know, you’ll kill the alligators like that. –39th & Lex Methodone lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the alligators on you!” –Whitehall Ferry Terminal Overheard by: Steven Lowell Tourist, kneeling in front of a giant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the silver monkey? –Museum of Natural History Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their asses were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chihuahua’s. –19th & 6th Overheard by: CocteauBoy 5-Year-Old boy, passing the smelly horse carriages on Central Park South: Eww, are there camels around here? –59th between Broadway & 7th Overheard by: Carmiya Weinraub Old man, passing bear sculpture: Bears eat too much. –American Wing Cafe, the Met Overheard by: guingel MTA hardhat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have either the rat on a stick or the pigeon on a stick. –Bleecker & Lafayette Overheard by: Brewster Guy on cell: I just saw a pigeon, and it reminded me of you. –Houston & Bowery Overheard by: Jon A. Commuter: Oh, I’ve always been into manatees. –Penn Station Overheard by: Jon Woman, to child: That’s why imagination is really nice. You can imagine that cat you have always wanted, and it’s almost like having him for real…even though you never will. –53rd & Broadway Animal lover: I never used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat. –10th St & 1st Ave Bus rider: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop. –Q101 bus Overheard by: Kaleena Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a donkey, not two donkeys! Jesus. –14th St 1 station Non-Ghetto woman on cell: That’s nigga’s crazier than a road lizard! –59th & 7th Picky girl: You won’t believe the pick up line he used. He actually said, “I want to be your beast.” –The Strand, Broadway Overheard by: Miss Parker