Archive for the ‘Madison Square Garden’ Category

Scrooge McDuck’s Wednesday One-Liners

Fashionista to another: It didn’t taste that good, but I really needed the money.

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: John Galt Jr.

Fashion student: The thing I can’t stand about fine arts is how obsessed with money it’s become… Yeah, so I’m leaving the program to study advertising.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: nova scotia

Security guard to another: I ain’t here for the money. I’m here for the fuckin’ prestige.

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Amber Star

White chick on cell: Hi, honey! How are you? Are you being tickled by coins? Are you being tickled by coins?!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: mela

Guy on corner: Can you spare any change or frequent flyer miles?

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Scientific

Frumpy lady to Joey Ramone lookalike: I’m feeling awfully constipated, baby! Constipated with money is the way I like to be!

–3rd Ave, Bay Ridge

It Isn’t Easy Being Us

Chick #1: I just look for things in my cabinet to overdose on. Seriously, I need to go on strong medication. I have no boyfriend, no life… I need some medicine. I need it right now. Oh my god, I’m about to cry right here. And see, I’m getting so fat. I mean, I still wear the same size and weigh the same, but I’m getting so fat. I know it’s because I’m eating breakfast again. I usually do no breakfast, then yogurt for lunch and fish or something for dinner. I know it’s because of breakfast.
Chick #2: Well, I seriously can’t go home without drinking. It’s not like I’m a huge drinker or anything, but I just can’t stay away from wine once I step in the door.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Cathy Pyenson

Lifestyles of the Wednesday One-Liners and Famous

Rich girl to friend: I couldn’t decide between the Marc Jacobs sweater and the Dior jacket. It was like Sophie’s Choice.

–Outside NYU dorm

Rich lady on phone: Uh-huh, uh-huh, but what if we just put the tennis court where the house was? … Okay, okay, what if we demolish the existing tennis court and make that area the guest house again? Or create a glassed-in structure over the court instead?

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: mkp-hearts-nyc

Man lunching with friend: I mean, I never lost a million dollars before.

–55th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: ilegal browser

Dad to child in stroller, passing the park: What? You wanted to go in there? I thought you said you wanted to go to Marc Jacobs.

–Hudston St

Overheard by: Colleen

20-ish girl: Fuck my dad. How selfish can you be? If I want to live on West 11th, then fucking buy the flat on West 11th. Ugh. Sorry. Can I get another dirty martini?

–The Village

WASP lady: She’s not even nouveau riche — she is just nouveau!

–A Voce, 26th & Madison

Wednesday One-Liners: Straight, Not Narrow

White woman to friend: Wow, this is a great place to meet straight people!

–Madison Square Garden

Dude to female passenger: If I was straight, I'd be hitting that, but I'm not straight, so I won't be hitting that.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Maggie

Yelling blonde: What's my type? He should be straight, that's my type.

–68th & Columbus

Amateur philosopher: If I wasn't straight, I'd totally be gay.

–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Headaches

Teen girl to friend: They're not gay! They're just old!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Peter

What Would Anti-Semites Do without Wednesday One-Liners?

Modern orthodox girl: … And I was like, ‘Why should I be considerate? He doesn’t even keep kosher!’

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Considerate of non-shellfish eaters and shellfish eaters alike

Guy on cell: Well, I’m only Jewish by injection…

–82nd & Madison

Overheard by: I’m only Catholic because I took a pill…

Woman: I think I’m just too Jewish for yoga.

–Park Slope

20-ish girl on cell: I mean, Jesus Christ! The Jews in the RV just won’t leave me alone!

–St. Mark’s & Ave B

Overheard by: Also accosted by the mitzvah tank

Man on cell: How did I pull off that deal? I’m a Jew, and that means I have powers over money that a dumb goyim like you can only dream of. It’s like Jewish superhero powers. Just call me ‘Super Jew.’

–Near Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Lesbian Whisperer

Little boy: Uhhh, half New Yorkish and, uhhh, half Jewish — is that what I am, Mom? Half New Yorkish and half Jewish?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Rosie

Here’s One for the Dorks

A fanboy brings up a mini-bust to the register. Fanboy: Is this the last one?
Comic book guy: Mxyzptlk*? Yeah, I think so.
Fanboy: Bat-mite too?
Comic book guy: We might have more in the warehouse, but not here.
Fanboy: I’ll take them.
Comic book guy: We don’t charge extra for the dust. –Cosmic Comics, E. 23rd St. *Although he should have known better, he pronounced it Mixle-plick instead of the correct Mix-yez-pittle-ick.