Archive for the ‘Madison Square Garden’ Category

What Would Anti-Semites Do without Wednesday One-Liners?

Modern orthodox girl: … And I was like, ‘Why should I be considerate? He doesn’t even keep kosher!’ –Barnard College Overheard by: Considerate of non-shellfish eaters and shellfish eaters alike Guy on cell: Well, I’m only Jewish by injection… –82nd & Madison Overheard by: I’m only Catholic because I took a pill… Woman: I think I’m just too Jewish for yoga. –Park Slope 20-ish girl on cell: I mean, Jesus Christ! The Jews in the RV just won’t leave me alone! –St. Mark’s & Ave B Overheard by: Also accosted by the mitzvah tank Man on cell: How did I pull off that deal? I’m a Jew, and that means I have powers over money that a dumb goyim like you can only dream of. It’s like Jewish superhero powers. Just call me ‘Super Jew.’ –Near Madison Square Garden Overheard by: Lesbian Whisperer Little boy: Uhhh, half New Yorkish and, uhhh, half Jewish — is that what I am, Mom? Half New Yorkish and half Jewish? –Rockefeller Center Overheard by: Rosie

Here’s One for the Dorks

A fanboy brings up a mini-bust to the register. Fanboy: Is this the last one?
Comic book guy: Mxyzptlk*? Yeah, I think so.
Fanboy: Bat-mite too?
Comic book guy: We might have more in the warehouse, but not here.
Fanboy: I’ll take them.
Comic book guy: We don’t charge extra for the dust. –Cosmic Comics, E. 23rd St. *Although he should have known better, he pronounced it Mixle-plick instead of the correct Mix-yez-pittle-ick.

Wednesday One-Liners Are Beautiful, Dammit!

Man to woman on lunch date: Pussy makes the world go round. When you're 85, dyin', you don't want to regret it if you never got to stick your head up there, or whatever. You wanna die sated. –Madison Square Park Overheard by: Christine Man, as two women approach: Vagiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiiiinaaaaaaa! –Washington Square Overheard by: Joe Hipster on cell: I don't even know you! I do not want to see your vagina. –Park Ave & 22nd St Overheard by: Sophia Suit on cell: I'm gonna cut off her cunt and make her wear it as a hat! –Times Square Teenager to friend: That girl has a Stargate vagina. You put it in and, bam, a kid pops out! –Catherine St & Madison St Girl at speed dating event: …like my vagina! –Watering Hole, E 19th St

And Isn't a “Safety Position”, Like, a Sex Thing?

College girl #1: I mean, if I saw a person seizing in the middle of the street, I probably wouldn't help them.
College girl #2: Yeah, I wouldn't know what to do.
College girl #1: She said that because of her first aid class, she knew to put him in a safety position, but I don't even know what that means! I mean, if a person is having a seizure, I don't think any position is very safe for them… –Madison Square Garden Overheard by: Scarlett

Wednesday One-Liners for T

Announcer: There is a downtown b as in "brothel" train approaching 81st Street. That's right. Brothel. –81st St Station Angry hobo, after receiving no money: Well, fine, screw you all! The reason you ain't giving me anything is cause no of y'all speak English. They should call this the "e" for "immigrant" train. –E Train Overheard by: Matt Dude outside bar at happy hour: He expects me to be a BFF. But I'm just a bf… No, I'm just an f. –9th Ave & 56th St Overheard by: K Melv Businesswoman on cell: No… the letter s… "s" as in "shot." –Madison Square Park Crazy woman to herself: My mom always called me "a" because, when I was little, really little, like before I could talk, I would sing "a a a a a a" over and over. And that was the joke, that I knew the first letter of the alphabet. (shrugs) –S79 Bus Little kid, singing alphabet song: A – b – c – d – h – i – v! –M102 Bus

Wednesday Go-Down-On-Liners

Wholesome-looking man, walking with several families with kids and carrying a cross: Jesus Christ died for our sins today so that we can all give blowjobs whenever we want! –Union Square Girl with food: Do you think I'll get on the JumboTron if I deep throat this pickle? –MSG: Rangers – Caps Playoff Game 40-something, during high school reunion: How dare you tell my husband I gave you a blowjob? I was a virgin in high school! –Outside Jake's Dillemma Women on cell: I told him, if he didn't start shampooing his pubes I would stop blowing him! –14th St & 9th Ave Middle-aged Romanian: I heard he gives better BJs than Santa Claus! –Astoria Overheard by: Crazy Romanians