Archive for the ‘Madison Square Garden’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Have Room in Their Closets Anymore

Gay guy to friend: I woke up this morning with a condom hanging out my butt. Was that you?

–Madison Square Park

Gay 30-something: Ugh, Borat quotes are like the UGG boot of conversation.

–Broadway & Spring

Really gay guy to friend: You don't know about the Holy Trinity? It's Liza, Judy and Barbra!

–Fort Washington Ave. & 183rd St

Overheard by: RED

Flamboyant gay: My hair's too straight. I need to gay it up a bit.

–Bryant Park

Flamboyant guy: My life in New York has been more fabulous than I ever thought! I almost hit Elaine Stritch with a car this weekend!

–W 18th St

Overheard by: Dan Friedman

Ahem– The First Rule Of the Dino Show Is “Don't Talk About the Dino Show”

Little boys, watching two torosauruses battling during dinosaur show: Fight! Fight! Fight!
Little boy ringleader: Rip his head off! I came to see some action!
Little boys: Fight! Fight! Fight!
Little boy ringleader: Fascinating! This is fascinating!

Walking with the Dinosaurs Show, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Milna

Whatever, Mr. Gender-Identity Gestapo

Madison Square Garden worker: Sir… Sir! Sir, where the hell do you think you're going?
Man, with five-year-old kid: I'm gettin' in the line for the bathroom.
Madison Square Garden worker: Sir, it looks to me like you're trying to get into the ladies bathroom.
Man: But I got a kid!
Madison Square Garden worker: Did you give birth to your kid?
Man: No!
Madison Square Garden worker: Then it looks to me like you're in the wrong fuckin line.

–Madison Square Garden

Wednesday One-Liners Can't Go On

Guy: But that way everyone feels a little more suicidal, and that makes it much more interesting.

–Broadway & 9th

85-year-old woman with leathery skin, in neon pink jumpsuit and sunglasses, with cigarette in one hand and cane in the other: I wish that cunt would just fucking kill herself!

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: kyle

Woman to son, as they look at street vendors' wares: Oh, and do you have the number for the suicide hotline?

–Prince & Mulberry

Upper West Side suit to friend: And I was like, "but I've worn that four times, I can't wear that again. I'd just have to kill myself!"

–Broadway & 104th St

Overheard by: Cat

Man, to the tune of "Lean on Me": Sometimes in our lives/we want to jump right out the window…

–DUMBO, Brooklyn

Overheard by: amused

Toddler: Mommy, you make me suicidal!

–Roosevelt Island Bus

People for the Ethical Treatment Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: I don't think that hamsters respond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does.

–Bank St. & Greenwich St.

Overheard by: Katie Compa

Crazy redneck-looking guy to PETA circus protester: They're gonna do to us what they did to the lions! We'll be put in concentration camps!

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Santiago and Catie

Guy: And she can ride him like a horse!

–W 103rd St

Graying Brooklyn guy to another: You know, the only thing I haven't seen is a bobcat.

–7th Ave & 4th St, Brooklyn

Underclassman to another: Lizards can't impregnate anyone. They don't even have penises.

–Townsend Harris High School

Overheard by: amused

Drunk man in tiger costume to McDonald's worker: There's an escaped zoo animal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serving your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for breakfast menu)

–McDonald's

No Wednesday One-Liner Left Behind

Rangers fan, about two players who are brothers: No, they're like the same age. They've gotta be like four or five months apart.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: helenathegreat

Blonde to blonde friend, looking outside from Legally Blonde theater: Oh, wow, it's still light out.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jaime and Bridget

Girl to friend: I don't even know how long ago one minute ago was.

–New Year's Eve, Times Square

Overheard by: Kristina

Girl, pointing to turkey walking around: Look at the peacock, it's so pretty!

–Central Park

Lady on cell: I told her she was an ungrateful b-i-c-t-h!

–14D Bus

Overheard by: Evan Wilson

The Homogenization of Wednesday One-Liners

Gay guy to friend on phone: Oh my god, she's not answering her phone? She's having sex. If she's not answering her phone, then she is definitely having sex. Hang up now, because she's having sex.

–Union Square

Overheard by: 1-900-Leave-A-Message

Flamboyant gay on cell: And oh. My. God. Let me just tell you about the cock. The fucking cock. It was eight inches of fucking perfection. I swear to god! It was beautiful. And I was always thinking like, "He's so perfect, there has to be something wrong with him. He must curve to the left or something." But no. I want to take pictures of it.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Julia

Hot gay guy: I went shopping, got a 90-minute massage and then started drinking. It's been, like, the best day ever.

–Barrage, 47th & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Flaming gay handler: I was going to wear my gold ankle booties, but I was afraid they'd clash with my Beagle's fur!

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Amber

20-something gay office worker: He's buying me a wok! I think it's for real! (pause) I'll chicken-fry his rice.

–19th & Broadway

Overheard by: spf

Gay to faghag: So, you ready to go? We can talk about vagina at Lincoln center. (pauses, takes in her reaction) No? Too off-topic?

–Subway Restaurant, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: onelinerwonder

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: You know I can't come over, I'm a daddy now! I have a dog! He needs me 24/7. I can't leave his sight, not even for a second! I'm just out for a moment to buy him some food, but other than that…

–Crosstown Bus

Souvenir seller: Get your doggy diary! Get your puppy program! Get your beagle bible! Get your bulldog blog!

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Man at payphone: They tried to catch the hero dog, but he ran away.

–107 & West End

Overheard by: kdub

Half tone-deaf guy with guitar, singing: I'll marry you for your Green card, but I'll sleep with your sister cause she's prettier than you. She's 75 years old, never been touched by a man, let alone a dog…

–1 Train

Overheard by: CreateEvity

Man leaning out of car, to man walking Schnauzer: Excuse me…that's a Marmaduke?

–3rd Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jeff S.

Woman on cell: If I don't get a dog soon I'm totally going to get pregnant.

–Wall Street

I Think There's Something Wrong With My Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: You mean the labia? No, that's a vagina part.

–13th & Ave B

Overheard by: Caroline

Woman to friend, in line for bathroom: I'm taking that medication that makes it really dry, again.

–Ethel Barrymore Theater

Overheard by: Crumb Doughnut

Cornelius, crazy hobo: Yo' pussy looks betta' than yo' face!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Lily London & China Rose

Monotone suit on cell: That pussy better be ready by the time I get home.

–Houston & Broadway

Girl on cell waiting for Port Jefferson train: Okay, be serious for a second, how do you know if you're allergic to latex, though? Really, cause dead honest, it's a puffed mushroom right now. I don't know what to do. Should I go see someone, do you think Henry would notice? Really, what if I turn off the lights?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Chester