Archive for the ‘Madison Square Garden’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't Just Poor, They're Po'

Preppy guy: They say beggars can't be choosers, which makes sense, because we're choosers.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Annie

Red Table change collector guy: Help feed the homeless of New York! All it takes is a penny and a heart, you fucking assholes.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Bemused

Girl to friend: I thought of you the other day; I saw a homeless man's penis.

–Lucky Jack's, Orchard St.

Overheard by: Argopelter

Horny dude (after being rejected by a girl at the bar): I asked her if she wanted a drink and she gave me the look that I give to homeless people on the subway.

–79th & Broadway

Guy to girl sitting at a sidewalk cafe: I know, what is with her? She dresses like a homeless person. And not Mary-Kate Olsen homeless but I-think-I-saw-her-passed-out-in-an-alleyway-with-a-heroin-needle-sticking-out-of-her-arm- homeless.

–10th St & 2nd Ave

Girl, to guy who has just spat on floor: Don't do that! Homeless people sleep there!

–6 Train Station

Suspenders or Belt, Wednesday One-Liners?

Guy: Okay, we can invite him too, but you have to remind him that pants are a requirement, not a mild suggestion.

–Uptown 2 Train

Middle aged man at the end of police show (exhausted from dancing around the suite all night): Wow, I can't believe I kept my pants on!

–MSG Skybox

Overheard by: Russ Beef

Man to friend: And like, man I wasn't gonna drink anything, but I smoked like one hundred blunts and was so high and I was like taking my pants off and shit.

–1 Train

Overheard by: batou187

Ghetto guy to ghetto friends: I remember the day I got my Reeboks like I remember the day that I peed my pants…when I was too old to pee my pants.

–A train

Overheard by: Hannah

Guy on phone: I think that may be slightly humiliating though, if the pants actually come off. And someone feels the chicken cutlets inserted in your underpants for some added power.

–19th & 8th

Overheard by: Joey

Tension Fills the Air at Disney on Ice

Drunken idiot (in last row of Madison Square Garden): You don't understand, I have connections. One phone call and I'm right back in here…
Security guard: I don't care if you wanna call President Bush. You can use my cell phone. If the people in front of you complain again, you're history. Enjoy the show, try not to drink too much.
Drunken idiot to girl who complained: Snitches get stitches!

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Lalaith

“You’re Gonna Like the Way You Wednesday One-Liner. I Guarantee It.”

Suit on cell, running: Oh shit! Oh shit! I told you! The monks are after me!

–Central Park

Overheard by: walking with bagel

Midtown suit: I’m the fucking Vice President. I shouldn’t have to crawl under my desk four times a day.

–Passing MSG

Overheard by: coasts

Suit on cell: I don’t really know… No, I definitely don’t remember his name. I was kind of drunk.

–48th & Lex

Suit: Well, they had voices then.

–Outside Sardi’s

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Suit on cell: No, I told you to sell, sell, sell! This is important! Listen to me! Wait! Hold on, I have someone important on the other line. (takes out some chapstick, takes his time to smear his lips with it, then gets back to phone) So, where was I..?

–N Train, Queens

Overheard by: Zazaplaza

The Sex Ed Teacher You Wish You Had

Teen sister: You mean to tell me you don’t find something wrong with a 13-year-old and a 12-year-old having sex!
Tween brother: It’s only a one year difference.
Teen sister: That’s not the point! Aww fuck it, but you better wear a condom, cause if you wind up someone’s baby’s daddy, I’m not stopping the chick’s dad from kicking your ass.

–Madison Square Garden

At Least Wednesday One-Liners Are Too Young to Drive

Seven-year-old boy to friend: What are you, drunk or something?

–Union Square

Ten-year-old boy to mom: Let’s get drunk! [Starts dancing.]

–W 45th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Jon A.

Dad to three-year-old: Well, I don’t know, will you buy me a beer?

–79th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: s h

[Tiny boy is making weird faces at the window.]
Sister
: Mommy, I think he’s drunk.


–6 Train

Overheard by: Becca

Trashy Boston girl: I love little children. They are like little drunk real people. Except that one, because she’s foreign.

–Madison Square Garden