Archive for the ‘Magic’ Category

Why Stephen Hawking Retired: Explained

Chulo #1: What sign are you?
Chula: Aries. You?
Chulo #2: Asshole. That's his sign: asshole.
Chulo #1: Naw, man. It's cancer.
Chulo #2: Why do so many people believe in that astrology shit?
Chulo #1: Because it's true!
Chula: It's so true. I've got all the personality traits. Like, I think I know everything. I get along real well with Leos, we're all bossy together. What sign are you?
Chulo #2: Scorpio.
(chula and chulo #1 laugh knowingly)
Chula: Oh, yeah, you know what that means. You're a lover.
Chulo #2: Ha ha, yeah?
Chula: You see someone and like that, you're in love. And then, two weeks later, you don't want nothing to do with her.
Chulo #2: Um… No… I mean, not really…
Chulo #1: Yeah, man, it's all true. Written in the stars. –Downtown A Train Overheard by: Rose Fox

The Books Are Over, Wednesday One-Liner, Deal With It.

Grad student: It’s like Hogwarts. Witches go to Hogwarts. They don’t go to Harvard Witch Management. –Think Coffee, Mercer & W 4th Overheard by: this analogy makes no sense German dude to other German dude, in rapid German: Voldemort! And Dumbledore! –96th & Broadway Overheard by: LeLeLe Teen girl: He said that Dumbledore takes it up the ass. Seriously. –1 train Overheard by: Silverhawk High school thug girl: Yo dead ass, Harry Potter is hot. –Houston & Green Overheard by: chedr Perverted tween: I wonder how many old women are into Dumbledore. They must be like "oooooohh! Dumbledooooooore!" –D train Overheard by: tanechka Drunk 20-something woman on cell: I’ve fallen off the Voldemort wagon! –Port Authority Overheard by: McFreaky

Clap If You Believe in Wednesday One-Liners

NYU guy: I'm like a centaur, if ya know what I mean. –University & 4th St Overheard by: sarah Female hipster to friends: Well, vampires are the new zombies! –147th & Convent Thuggish straight guy to another: Oh, I'd much rather be a faggot than a demon, dawg. –Park Ave & Spring St Overheard by: Christopher Schulz Interviewer, trying to convince interviewee: There's not much of a future in being an elf. –Macy's Italian woman, staring at guy wearing Ghostbusters t-shirt: You donta lika da ghosts? –Meatpacking District Overheard by: Looking for my proton pack

Wednesday One-Liners: Fact or Fiction?

Guy: It's like August: Osage County, but with zombies. –Manhattan Theatre Source Overheard by: Emily B. Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wizard. –Dorm, Pratt Institute College student: Ghosts? They're like VT! –186th St & Amsterdam Black female suit on cell: Yeah, well you betta hope Tinkabell comes along… Or whoever the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wishes! –Penn Station Overheard by: emily d. Annoyed man on cell walking down stairs: No, mom, I don't know what werewolves eat! No, mom, I don't! Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm going into the subway! –Union Square Subway Entrance Overheard by: Masked Avenger

The Magic of Wednesday One-liners

Singing bag lady: My mother is a bitch! She’s a voodoo bitch. She’s a fucking whore. I hope that bitch gets cancer…the worst kind of cancer. She prevents me from getting a job with her voodoo. –Bowling Green station Overheard by: K2 Combo Guy: That’s the last time I date a girl with a cape. –Bryant Park station Girl:…I don’t know why she hates me. She put a curse on me! But my mom took me to her healer and now I’m okay. I don’t really remember much, though. –Central Park Overheard by: Emily Y.