Large black woman: Don't you want to sit down? You don't have a good balance.
Old Jewish man with walker: Not true! Last night, at around two am, a fairy came to me and said I had good balance!
Large black woman, shrugging: Alriiight!
–N Train
Overheard by: zach
Archive for the ‘Magic’ Category
Clap If You Believe in Wednesday One-Liners
NYU guy: I'm like a centaur, if ya know what I mean.
–University & 4th St
Overheard by: sarah
Female hipster to friends: Well, vampires are the new zombies!
–147th & Convent
Thuggish straight guy to another: Oh, I'd much rather be a faggot than a demon, dawg.
–Park Ave & Spring St
Overheard by: Christopher Schulz
Interviewer, trying to convince interviewee: There's not much of a future in being an elf.
–Macy's
Italian woman, staring at guy wearing Ghostbusters t-shirt: You donta lika da ghosts?
–Meatpacking District
Overheard by: Looking for my proton pack
One Way to Get Kids to Take Subway Rides in Peace
Small girl dressed as pink fairy to woman next to her dressed in brown dress with a pentacle necklace: Hi. I like your costume.
Woman: Thank you, but it's not a costume.
(long pause)
Girl: What are you supposed to be, anyway?
Woman: A witch.
Girl: But you're not really a witch, right?
Woman: Yes, I am.
Girl: No, you're not!
Woman: Yes, I am.
Girl: You can't be a witch, you don't even have a wand!
(woman proceeds to pull wand out of her bookbag)
Girl: Eeee! Moooooooommy! She's going to turn me into a frooooog!
–A Train
God's Only-Begotten Son
Little boy: Dad, can I try to fix your watch?
Dad: Wait until we get home.
Little boy, crying: You don't trust me with anything!
Dad: No, it's not that I don't trust you, it's just that fixing a watch is very hard. Not even David Blaine can replace a tiny screw on a crowded stretch of Broadway.
Little boy: Who's David Blaine?
–Broadway & Prince
Wednesdays Become One-Liner With the Universe
Young child to mother: I am not psychic.
–Downtown B Train
Overheard by: furf
Normal-looking guy: But we have the complexity of magic!
–NYU
Asian Bikram instructor: Listen to your breast and find your inner piss.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Bikram Curious
Thug on cell: You don't know what kind of drugs they gave you, or if you really blacked out. But you have to understand that the spiritual world and the physical world are two different things. (pause) I don't have evidence of a spiritual world. (pause) You know that guy Des-cart? That's his name, right?
–Hunter College
Overheard by: trapped@hunter
Guy on phone: Listen, Julian, you are a shit-ass excuse for a friend. You can lick the peanut butter from between my toes. (pause) Listen, Julian, I'm on the other line with my psychic, let me call you back.
–49th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Lara
Why So Many Little Kids Want to Play Hockey
Little boy: Mommy, mommy!
Mom: What?
Little boy: Can I please have this? (holds up Transformers toy)
Mom, laughing: Yeah, the tooth fairy's gonna have to come a lot more for you to afford that.
–Target
Wednesday One-Liners and the Utterly Unsatisfying Conclusion
Guy, in chinese: Do you think I'm Harry Potter?
–Vivi Bubble Tea Bar
Girl on cell outside art bar: And I was like "Dumbledore, try some jeans."
–8th Ave & Horatio St
Overheard by: Jean Ann
Cute girl graduating to friend: I hate gowns… How does Harry Potter stand it?
–Columbia University Business School Graduation
Overheard by: Jen
Guy, after watching new Harry Potter movie: Man… that's it? That was a lap dance!
–42nd Street Movie Theater
Crazy woman wrapped in shawls: I'd kidnap and fuck Harry Potter for an eight ball of coke. (to onlooker) Why aren't you at work?
–Brooklyn Theater
Overheard by: JesseJack (I've got a Job)
Wednesday Once-Upon-a-Time Liners
Little girl to mom: But mommy, what comes out of Tinkerbell's bladder?
–92nd St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Gordon D
Conductor: And don't forget to wave goodbye to me when you get off. Hey, you! You didn't wave! Can you people believe it? He didn't wave after I asked him to. So please, remember to wave goodbye to the conductor because we drive these trains, and without us you'd be taking the bus in the daylight and you vampires will burn, burn I say, burn!
–3 Train
Overheard by: I waved
Tattooed man in leather vest, to friend: I'll tell you straight up: I am an angel designed to destroy demons. (weighty pause) I have no compassion… whatsoever… for demons!
–42nd St
Overheard by: Harper
Man to friend: The problem with New York is that there are just so many places for zombies to hide.
–57th St b/w 5th & 6th
Little girl: That's not a fairy! That's a boat!
–Waiting for Ellis Island Ferry
Overheard by: Laura
Teenage girl to friend: I'm not listening to you, I'm looking for the dragon!
–Prospect Park:
Man trying to quiet down crying toddler: Shhhhh, you sound like a Wookie!
–Brooklyn Zoo
Overheard by: Snoog
Wednesday One-Liners: Fact or Fiction?
Guy: It's like August: Osage County, but with zombies.
–Manhattan Theatre Source
Overheard by: Emily B.
Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wizard.
–Dorm, Pratt Institute
College student: Ghosts? They're like VT!
–186th St & Amsterdam
Black female suit on cell: Yeah, well you betta hope Tinkabell comes along… Or whoever the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wishes!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: emily d.
Annoyed man on cell walking down stairs: No, mom, I don't know what werewolves eat! No, mom, I don't! Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm going into the subway!
–Union Square Subway Entrance
Overheard by: Masked Avenger
Rumpelstiltskin's Had a Bad Year
Lady conductor: What's your problem?! Are you bored? You crossed the magic line!
Man conductor: Yeah…
Lady conductor: You crossed the magic line! He crossed the magic line!
–NJ Transit