Archive for the ‘Magic’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners–Easy As 1, 2, 3

Conductor: This is 72nd St. Stand clear of the closing doors. B train. B for "brighten up your day" train. (at the next stop) Folks, this is 59th Street, and just like magic we are now an express train. B express train. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–B Train

Overheard by: ryder

Train conductor: You can transfer to the M as in "money," the N as in "Nick," and the R as in "Romeoooooo!"

–D Train

Guy on cell, giving directions: So you take the D line… No, D as in "David." D! D! A, b, c, d! (pause) No, D. Okay…then you walk down to Hoffman Street… Hoffman Street, as in "Dustin Hoffman." He's that actor, with a big nose, that you really like, the one that's in that movie about your life…yeah…yeah! He's a cross-dresser! Tootsie! That's you, bro!

–Arthur Ave

Overheard by: eternal student

Creepy old man to creepy friend: We should be on the V. V for "vagina". We're on the F. F for "fuck."

–Downtown F Train

Overheard by: CL

Conductor: There is no C train like "Charlie" all weekend. The D train like "Dick" is helping us out. I probably shouldn't have said that. It's okay, you'll overlook that when I tell you that this A train will keep its express status.

–A Train

Overheard by: Nay

Stand Clear Of the Closing Gryffindors, Please.

Conductor: Hello, and welcome to the Hogwarts Express. This is platform 9 3/4, and we will be leaving shortly for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Preteen holding Harry Potter book, to suit holding Harry Potter book: Oh my god! I knew they would come for me!
Suit holding Harry Potter book, to himself: I did too.

–C Train

Little People–Big Wednesday One-Liners

Greasy guy on cell: Yeah, there was this whole big to-do. They had all these little midgets running around–it was a whole Willy Wonka thing going on.

–42nd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Aren't They Called Little People?

Midget on mobile: Man, you don't know how tough it is, these little women are tough, they know what they want… Yeah, yeah… The are like tigers, they'll eat you up!

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: JT

Flyer guy: Comedy show, folks–we got midgets!

–Herald Square

Overheard by: BeccaGo

Guy: High-five if you like midgets and drugs!

–42nd & 7th

Overheard by: Shannon

Suit on cell: Yeah, yeah, we're gonna do it big for my birthday. No I'm thinking more like midget strippers…eh, I haven't decided what I want it to be. (pause) Oh yeah, sorry, not "it," "him" or "her." No, I think dwarfs have magical powers, that's the deal. Not racist, dwarfist maybe.

–Chinatown Bus

Overheard by: Evan

Drunk guy with group of friends: I'm sorry I hit you, I thought I was Irish and you were four feet tall.

–41st & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Glad I'm not short

Wednesday One-Liners Are the Stuff of Myth

Really pissed mom: And do you know what size unicorn they tried on her first? Medium.

–Macy's

Cafe employee, about pastries: Those look like fairy testicles.

–HopScotch Cafe

Overheard by: bildita

Guy yelling to passers-by: You're all materialistic, yuppie, vampire kings!

–W4th & Cornelia

Overheard by: greg

Man on cell: So Santa Claus will be there?

–Broadway & Wall St

Woman: When she was a newborn she looked exactly like Yoda, and then she grew up into Dopey.

–Penn Plaza

Five-year-old boy looking out of window: Ahh! I hate the sun! Vampires hate the sun!

–Q Train

Overheard by: LoRna

There’s No Magic Like the Sorcery of Proper Accessorizing

Little boy, shouting and grabbing magic wand from his sister: No! I wanna be Hermione! It’s my turn to be Hermione!
Little girl: Be Harry! His magic’s better!
Little boy: But Hermione’s clothes are so much cooler!

–Barnes and Noble, E 86th St

Overheard by: Noel Coward