Archive for the ‘Makeup’ Category

…That Drive Pink Convertables and Have the Genitalia of a Eunuch!

20-something girl: I don't believe in foundation makeup.
50-something woman: Really?
20-something girl: I used to wear it a long time ago, when I was younger, but it makes you look so fake, like a doll…which is stupid because we're people!

–Madison Square Park

Headline by: Skipper

Runners-Up:
· “…And That’s When I Dropped Out Of Clown School.” – Danny the Mullins
· “Barbie’s Infiltration Plan Is Working” – Natalie
· “Besides, The Tips at the Carnival Were Totally Not Cutting It” – Dave
· “Britney Tries Her Hand at Philosophy” – Fresca P.
· “Excerpts from the Human Tissue-Silicone Ratio Debate” – ty
· “I Also Refuse Parachutes; I Ain’t No Bird!” – Jeff
· “Max Factor Is…People!” – Chris


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Vanity, Thy Name Is Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: And I was like, "He bleaches his asshole, what does he know about anatomy?"

–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn

Seven-year-old girl to boy throwing mud at her: Watch it, Jakob! I wore eyeliner today!

–Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn

Very large woman on cell: It's called "Brazilian wax job." You only have to do it like every two weeks. Yep, it itches for a day or two, but it's worth every penny.

–PATH

Overheard by: Corey

Young lady with long curly hair to girlfriend: So, I started drying my hair with paper towels recently.

–Montague St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE!

Outraged feminine gay guy to another: He's having his lips redone… again!

–8th Ave & 20th St, Chelsea

Overheard by: Evan

Woman on cell: Girl, I don't understand why you gotta put on all that makeup just to go for a colonic!

–Washington Heights

You Think High School Ends When You Leave High School?

20-something woman #1: She's an adult, and she still doesn't know how to blow dry her own hair!
20-something woman #2: I know! And she looks like shit when she comes into work.
20-something woman #1: It's absolutely disgusting!
20-something woman #2: Everyone is all wearing makeup and she's just not!
20-something woman #1: I know it's not in your job contract to blow dry your hair, but come on!

–1 Train

…For Different Reasons Than Usual.

Ditzy girl #1: You'll never believe it! I woke up this morning and my fingernails were painted!
Ditzy girl #2: You don't remember painting them in the night?
Ditzy girl #1: Not at all! But I did a really good job.
Ditzy girl #2: Yeah, they look great. Maybe I'll come to your room tonight while you're sleeping.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: amalthya

Control-Alt-Wednesday One-Liners

Lady with no teeth to bathroom attendant: I love your sparkly eyeshadow! The doctor who did my second abortion had the same eyeshadow!

–Public Restroom, Bryant Park

Overheard by: Slydell

Girl on cell: I would rather have diabetes than get an abortion.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Kári Emil

Asian hipster girl: Abortion, abortion, abortion, Aids!

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: i'll take the next elevator

Teen on cell: I've never been a fan of abortion, but if we could just make this little mistake go away.

–Penn Station

Hipster girl to friends: I mean, I think it should be a choice. Like, I'm not pro-abortion. Actually, I am pro-abortion. I think we should all have been aborted. Our parents made the wrong choice.

–2 Train

Guy on cell: I've pooped in the bushes and an abortion clinic, but never on the floor.

–The Gate, Park Slope

Overheard by: Nathan

And My Mom Already Hates You

Hipster turned emo #1: So, I was thinking that I should just dye my hair black, wear a lot of dark eyeliner, and talk about how much my mom hates me.
Hipster turned emo #2: I think that's a great idea, but you also need to stop representing yourself as a happy individual, and make sure that the black eyeliner has that smudgy look.
Goth fat kid with way too many piercings: Shut the fuck up already. You're wasting my oxygen.

–Union Square