Archive for the ‘Makeup’ Category

Remember That Oath Your Kindergarten Class Took at Bloomingdale's

Precocious little girl: Mom, that lady is grooming the dog groomer!
Pretentious mom: That makes sense. Do you see how some of the dog show women dress themselves? Would you want to be caught dead in some of their clothes and makeup?
Precocious little girl: No.

–Westminster Dog Show Grooming Area

Overheard by: Wouldn't Be Caught Dead Either

She Was Like, “One Ringworm to Rule Them All”

Whole Foods employee #1: They called me and said some lady was in Whole Body licking all the the nail polishes.
Whole Foods employee #2: Licking the nail polishes? Shit. Well, there was this one time they said a woman was walking around with one shoe off, so I went to check, and she had some infection or some shit, and one foot was like…Hobbit-sized.
Whole Foods employee #1: Wow! So she had a Frodo-foot?
Whole Foods employee #2: Yeah, a Frodo-foot. That's when you just start banning people.

–1 Train

Overheard by: percivalundercover

…That Drive Pink Convertables and Have the Genitalia of a Eunuch!

20-something girl: I don't believe in foundation makeup.
50-something woman: Really?
20-something girl: I used to wear it a long time ago, when I was younger, but it makes you look so fake, like a doll…which is stupid because we're people!

–Madison Square Park

Headline by: Skipper

Runners-Up:
· “…And That’s When I Dropped Out Of Clown School.” – Danny the Mullins
· “Barbie’s Infiltration Plan Is Working” – Natalie
· “Besides, The Tips at the Carnival Were Totally Not Cutting It” – Dave
· “Britney Tries Her Hand at Philosophy” – Fresca P.
· “Excerpts from the Human Tissue-Silicone Ratio Debate” – ty
· “I Also Refuse Parachutes; I Ain’t No Bird!” – Jeff
· “Max Factor Is…People!” – Chris


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

It May or May Not Be the Key to Resolving the Energy Crisis

Ditzy blond fashion plate: So, I've called her like five times, and I feel kind of stupid, 'cuz it's just lip gloss, but it was like a $38 lip gloss, and I really want it back.
Ditzy brunette fashion plate: Everyone on the train is totally laughing at us.
Ditzy blond: Yeah, I mean it is just lip gloss. Really good lip gloss, though.
Ditzy brunette: Whatever, lip gloss is important!

–Commuter Train, Penn Station

Overheard by: afalpi

Wednesday One-Liners Want to Believe

Five-year-old girl in funny voice: I don't wear eyeshadow. I am an alien. I am allowed to be weird.

–Downtown 6 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Brunette: So, wait. Are they scientists or large-headed aliens?

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo: You may not know this, but I am from another planet. I am also recruiting souls for my army in the underworld. We are four hundred thousand billion strong. Everybody better watch out!

–1 Train

Geeky guy to another: Have you seen the planet he's from? Goddamn!

–N Train

Girl to friend (animated, with hand gestures): I mean, you could actually *see* E.T.'s birth…

–5th Ave & 14th St

Guy, very sure of himself: I would much rather hunt aliens than ghosts, at least that makes sense.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: jessi pfeufer

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful: Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on phone: So, should I continue not being a whore or should I go get an emergency Brazilian?

–Lexington Ave & 58th

Girl to friend: No, I can't do tomorrow afternoon. I am getting waxed for the weekend. Just in case.

–3rd Ave & 80th St

Salesgirl to customer: You so have an exfoliating face!

–Sephora, 57th & Lexington

Overheard by: Amanda

Creepy hobo on payphone: So, you're doing your nails? Mmmmmm…

–Bleecker & Thompson

Overheard by: Thompson

Girl with pounds of makeup on: Yeah, I'm going on lunch right now. I am so exhausted, I did five makeovers today. Yeah, I am so tired…I had a butch.

–Elevator, Macy's

Overheard by: K Melv

Thug: All I want is a mani-pedi.

–72nd & Central Park West

Overheard by: wb

Wednesday One-Liners Need to Leave Eden Eventually

Angry Spanish boyfriend: You know why I'm talking to you like this! Because your boss was sitting there and you probably had no damn clothes on!

–Broad Channel Subway Station

Girl to friend: Yeah, I can't wait until we take off our clothes and do our make up!

–116th & 3rd

(20-something couple is walking down the street with arms around each other)
Woman
: So were you self-conscious when you took off your clothes in front of the children?


–28th & 5th

White guy answering cell: Negrooooo… I'm on the Long Island Railroad being completely homosexual… You missed it, completely naked…

–LIRR

Overheard by: Xavier

Five-year-old girl, before performance begins: Are they going to take *all* their clothes off?

Hair, Delacorte Theater

Girl to friend: God! I remember when my brother ran into my room naked screaming that he had two buttholes.

–Subway, 14th & 1st

Overweight middle age white guy to friend: I know, I get it, you like to sit naked in the mud while some guy serenades you on his guitar singing about things I don't believe and can't understand. That's your thing. I prefer hockey.


–89th & 4th, Brooklyn


The Hills Are Alive with the Sound of Wednesday One-Liners

Music theory professor, explaining classical idioms: The reason we use these techniques is because the great composers did–Mozart, Beethoven, Bach. They knew what they were doing. Bach knew that Mozart intuitively understood the music. When he reviewed Mozart's work, he was like, "that motherfucker!" (slight pause) Yeah, more or less.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Music Theorist

Girl to friends: Imagine this: Spice Girls concert, platform shoes, glitter all over my body…

–McCarren Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: do I have to?

20-something Whitey McWhiteface to friends: So do you think Lil Wayne tried to become a hipster or, like, it just happened?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Hopper

Guy to friend, while watching Radiohead: This is a great song to urinate to.

–Liberty State Park

Doctoral student on phone: I can't do my dissertation on the sex lives of great composers…I can't… No, it's just that the subject is too big… Ok, so 1950 to present.

–Manhattan School of Music

Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze

Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. And now for your entertainment… (taps on the microphone a pretty decent beat) I hope you all like my beats…I've been practicing!

–F Train

Overheard by: Groovin to the music