Archive for the ‘Makeup’ Category

You Think High School Ends When You Leave High School?

20-something woman #1: She's an adult, and she still doesn't know how to blow dry her own hair!
20-something woman #2: I know! And she looks like shit when she comes into work.
20-something woman #1: It's absolutely disgusting!
20-something woman #2: Everyone is all wearing makeup and she's just not!
20-something woman #1: I know it's not in your job contract to blow dry your hair, but come on! –1 Train

…For Different Reasons Than Usual.

Ditzy girl #1: You'll never believe it! I woke up this morning and my fingernails were painted!
Ditzy girl #2: You don't remember painting them in the night?
Ditzy girl #1: Not at all! But I did a really good job.
Ditzy girl #2: Yeah, they look great. Maybe I'll come to your room tonight while you're sleeping. –Columbia University Overheard by: amalthya

Control-Alt-Wednesday One-Liners

Lady with no teeth to bathroom attendant: I love your sparkly eyeshadow! The doctor who did my second abortion had the same eyeshadow! –Public Restroom, Bryant Park Overheard by: Slydell Girl on cell: I would rather have diabetes than get an abortion. –Columbia University Overheard by: Kári Emil Asian hipster girl: Abortion, abortion, abortion, Aids! –NYU Dorm Overheard by: i'll take the next elevator Teen on cell: I've never been a fan of abortion, but if we could just make this little mistake go away. –Penn Station Hipster girl to friends: I mean, I think it should be a choice. Like, I'm not pro-abortion. Actually, I am pro-abortion. I think we should all have been aborted. Our parents made the wrong choice. –2 Train Guy on cell: I've pooped in the bushes and an abortion clinic, but never on the floor. –The Gate, Park Slope Overheard by: Nathan

And My Mom Already Hates You

Hipster turned emo #1: So, I was thinking that I should just dye my hair black, wear a lot of dark eyeliner, and talk about how much my mom hates me.
Hipster turned emo #2: I think that's a great idea, but you also need to stop representing yourself as a happy individual, and make sure that the black eyeliner has that smudgy look.
Goth fat kid with way too many piercings: Shut the fuck up already. You're wasting my oxygen. –Union Square

Let a Smile Be Your Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on cell: How can you be happy if you're acting like such a bitch all time? –Melrose Ave & 154th St Puerto Rican barista, as A-Team music starts playing: The A-Team! Man, that makes me think of when I was young and still happy! –Grand Central Overheard by: Chris K. 30-something woman: I'm going to see Transformers. Transformers! Daa naa na naaa! You have to be happy in life, everybody is dying. –34th St & Madison Ave Overheard by: Frank Molla Girl on cell, vehemently: I'm trying brown eyeliner. I hope this makes you happy! –Union Square Overheard by: Ashley 20-something girl: Just put some alcohol in me and I'll be happy. –St. Mark's Place

Please Don't Feed the Wednesday One-Liners

Elderly woman to Bulldog: If you were human, you would be a male model. –44th & 3rd Female on phone, trying to be discrete: I could take a million pictures without makeup and I could make it on the cover of Vogue. I am telling you I just want a model agent to come up to me and say "you are gorgeous, I want you to model." I know I have what it takes! –Outside Bobst Library Overheard by: V Liebs Scrawny short dude: You know, I like the model-type chicks. –Bay Ridge Overheard by: Jon A. Battery Park city mom, about son: He's not even four and he can earn as much from one commercial as he can from a year of modeling. –World Trade Centre Plaza Girl walking around with a camera: People get so awkward when you're carrying around a camera. Come on people! Give me something I can use here! You are all models! –44th & Lexington Overheard by: apparently a model Drawing professor: I'm not allowed to sleep with the models. –Pratt Institute

She Was Like, “One Ringworm to Rule Them All”

Whole Foods employee #1: They called me and said some lady was in Whole Body licking all the the nail polishes.
Whole Foods employee #2: Licking the nail polishes? Shit. Well, there was this one time they said a woman was walking around with one shoe off, so I went to check, and she had some infection or some shit, and one foot was like…Hobbit-sized.
Whole Foods employee #1: Wow! So she had a Frodo-foot?
Whole Foods employee #2: Yeah, a Frodo-foot. That's when you just start banning people. –1 Train Overheard by: percivalundercover