Teen Girl: It’s a good thing Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt broke up because I am so going to do him when I meet him. If he is with Angelina Jolie that is even better because I would totally do her too. I would definitely do both of them! –Staten Island Mall
Tourist boy, seeing group of bagpipers practicing in the rain: What are they doing?
Grandmother: They're playing bagpipes.
Tourist boy: At a time like this?
–Central Park Mall
Overheard by: ReRo
Male black teen #1: You sound ign'ant.
Male black teen #2: I ain't ign'ant, you ign'ant!
Male black teen #1: You said “truesfully” and there ain't no “s's” in “trufully.”
Male black teen #2: I didn't say “truesfully,” I know there ain't no “s's” in “trufully.”
–Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: NewYorkLaw
Guido to chef: Ew, that looks like raw fish! It looks like salmon! Is that fish?
Japanese chef, cheerfully: It's chicken!
Guido: It looks like shit! I thought it was fish!
–Japanese Food Stand, Food Court, Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: Ashamed to be Italian…
Frazzled mother to young child: Hurry. Hurry. Look, the monster is going to get you if you don't walk faster!
Mother to small child: If you eat your two pieces of chicken, I'll give you a raisin.
–College Point Shopping Center
Overheard by: Yesenia
Mom speaking to son: Sweetie, do I look like a eggbeater?
Woman on bus to child with large hearing aid: Sit down properly! Are you listening to me?
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Mother to whiny toddler: I can't listen to you anymore! I fear for both of us.
–15th St & University Place
Overheard by: Sarah M.
20-something girl: I mean, I can always sleep on top of him.
–Strawberry's, Queens Centre Mall
Overheard by: i like that option…
Man to friend: I keep having dreams about being with other women, and I've never had them before. I think it must be the time of year or something.
–Hudson River Park
Girl on cell: Well, he slipped me Ecstasy while I was sleeping…
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Guy on cell: That's awesome! (pause) That's awesome! (pause) Dude, that's like reverse Sleepaway Camp!
–27th & 2nd
Overheard by: liz
Nurse: I just want to stop having dreams of him saying "pap-smear pap-smear pap-smear…"
Overheard by: p y l
Young thug to friends: Stop, stop, stop! Stop, seriously, stop. C'mon, I'm not kidding! Seriously. I have shoe phobia!
Guy with shoe in hand, catching up to woman who lost it: Here you go, Cinderella!
Overheard by: thorn
Manager of ladies' shoe store: It's easy to close. You put the hooker boots–all this hoochie stuff, with the hooker boots, you put the flats with the flats, you put the day shoes with the day shoes. Now, Narnia over there is another story…
Overheard by: Sarah R
Chick to guy: If you buy me Jimmy Choos, I'll have your baby.
Overheard by: Lets hope she'll have the baby anyway…
Four-year-old girl stepping out of taxi: Mommy, can we go online to buy shoes today?
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: …wow.
Thug, handing coin to dealer: Yo, man, check this out. You ever see something like that? What's it worth?
Black salesman: This is an Eisenhower dollar, from the bicentennial. They're not really worth more than a dollar. You can spend it, or save it as a souvenir.
Thug: Damn, man, I went through a lot of trouble to get this. My grandmother left it to me when she died. You sure it ain't valuable?
Black salesman: I'm afraid not.
Thug: Somebody offered me $100 for this shit.
Black salesman: Then I recommend you go back to that person and sell it to him. It was a great offer.
Thug: Sheeeeeeit. (leaves)
Black salesman, muttering to himself: Stupid-ass nigga.
–Fulton Street Mall
Overheard by: Big Larry
Teen girl #1: He called me a stupid, illiterate bitch!
Teen girl #2: You're not stupid!
Teen girl #1: I know! Wait… what?
Overheard by: Sha
Drunk thug, reflecting on his baby-mama's new man: I love motherfuckin' guns, and that's the bottom line, but I don't wanna go to jail.
–Bar, Cortelyou Road
Boy to limping blonde struggling to keep up: Oh my god, if you were a horse I would shoot you.
Overheard by: The Game
Father to two small children, pulling them away from the register: C'mon, guys. Let's go before mommy shoots herself.
–Forbidden Planet, 13th & Broadway
Loud black girl: It's Manhattan, I don't have to worry about getting shot.
Guy on cell: Hey man, aren't you tired of being shot?
–Queens Center Mall