Archive for the ‘Manhattan’ Category

Starbucks: Where Six of One is Not a Half-Dozen of the Other

Employee: Ma’am, can I help you?
Woman: I’d like a half dozen of your chocolate chip cookies.
Employee: We only sell them, like, 1, 2, 3…
Woman to friend: Is she serious?
Friend: She’ll take 6.

–Starbucks, Rockefeller Center Concourse

“It’s a date!”

Chick: You have no idea how much less anxiety I have now that I know I don’t have to worry about leaving the country…not that they are kicking me out, but you know that I can leave and come back and it’s not an issue…This just makes me so excited! When I get excited I start to twitch, I apologize, but it’s a good thing! You get me excited! Not in that way, I mean, you’re my professor, and female, but not to say you aren’t good looking…
Professor: Um, okay, so let’s pretend I was deaf for that last 30 seconds and I’ll see you on Friday. –Hunter North Building, East 69th Street Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie Girl: I guess I’ll be taking my vibrator out for Valentine’s. –Prince & Broadway Overheard by: Toby Boudreaux

Afghanistan is an Early Olympic Favorite

Guy: So then why are guys from the Eastern Europe and black guys so good at basketball?
Dad: Natural selection.
Guy: What?
Dad: They’ve had to fight to survive. It weeds out the physically inadequate.
Guy: Give me a break. It’s the ghetto, not some Hobbesian state of nature; they’re not cavemen living in anarchy up there. –Madison Square Garden

Less Than Truthful Wednesday One-liners

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. I promise it will never. happen. again. –uptown C train Man screaming on cell : Nah, I didn’t lie to you about nuthin’. [Pause] Even if I did lie, I sho’ wouldn’t tell you about it! –43rd & 6th Overheard by: C Mike

Wednesday One-liners Watch VH1

Drunk guy: You’re not the boss of me…Bruce Springsteen is the boss of me. –The Red Lion, Bleecker Street Guy: Seriously. Puff’s attorney called me the other day to say Puff wants me to sign a confidentiality agreement. Puff doesn’t want me to disclose that he is the seller. I said to tell Puff that he’s the one who has to sign a confidentiality agreement. If the boys at Goldman find out who I am buying from, my credibility is going to be shot forever. –Anotheroom, West Broadway Overheard by: Big Lex Paralegal lady on phone: And I thought to myself, “She looks so familiar, who is she?” Queen Latifah’s mother!…No, mangos. –Office, 50th & 6th Girl: Well, if he’s cranking the bass on a Dixie Chicks song at 2AM on a Monday at a bear bar to sell beer to lesbians he has much bigger problems than he knows. –The Dugout, Christopher Street Chick: If we see Robbie Williams tonight, I’m gonna die. –30th & Park Hipster guy: Yeah and what’s with Simon Cowell? That guy is like the Grinch Who Stole Everything Else. –Abbey Bar, Williamsburg Overheard by: Spyridon Panousopoulos Guy: You know you have reached the lowest point of all human existence when there’s a telethon featuring only John Denver music. –2nd between A & B Overheard by: djlindee Guy: God, I love going to Galapagos. You always run into all the right people there. You know, all the people that you haven’t seen since that last Yeah Yeah Yeahs show? –L train Overheard by: Shannon Woman on cell: Remember that handsome lawyer who took me out to dinner the other night? Yeah, well, he gave me an STD. It reminded me of a song. –14th & 6th Professor guy: Billy Joel, wow. He’s got about 10 shows coming up. I bet the stage production budget is through the roof. I’d drive a car onto stage…and smash it into a tree. –Fordham University, Rose Hill Overheard by: Jess McGins Woman: Brian Wilson beat me right the hell up right there; right the hell up! –43rd between 8th & 9th Overheard by: Ryan Duncan Old woman: Oh, is Lil’ Kim in jail? –7th & Bleecker Overheard by: Sarah Doogs Dude: I was listening to a DMX record the other day, and if that
guy’s telling the truth, he’s lived quite a life. –Gee Whiz Restaurant, Greenwich Street Overheard by: Matthew Alhonte Asian guy: The time has come fo’ mad hip-hop. –Go Sushi, St. Marks Place Overheard by: Alyson Leigh Crazy lady: Excuse me…Excuse me…Have you heard of a band called “The Diarrheas”? From Washington, DC! With Hillary and…Chuck! Like from Friday the 13th? Do you think they’ll be successful? –11th between 52nd & 53rd Third floor window guy: Hey fuck you, I don’t need you telling me that you are cooler than me, I saw the Ramones in ’83!…Fuck you, your not cooler than me, I saw Fugazi’s first show, I saw Minor Threat. What is your fucking claim to fame, seeing the White Stripes? –Rivington & Stanton

Bison Burger Up for Mr. Polanski

Waiter: Would you like to order now?
Man: No, I’m waiting for my sister.
Waiter: You said before that you were waiting for your wife.
Man: No, I didn’t. I said it was my sister.
Waiter: No, you didn’t.
Man: Would you like to be in movies?
Waiter: No, why?
Man: You have a really nice speaking voice. You should think about it.
Waiter: You really think so?
Man: Yeah. I make movies. You should give it a try. –Lyric Diner, 22nd & 3rd

The Black Flag is at Half-mast

Guy #1: You do such dumb shit.
Guy #2: I do not.
Guy #1: Well, what about that E-trades tattoo on your leg?
Guy #2: I’m hardcore! –1 train Chick: Sell-out by day…
Suit: Shut up, okay? Whatever pays the bills. –CBGBs, The Bowery Overheard by: Sarah Royal Drunk guy on cell: Dude, that’s crap, you gotta live hardcore! –Williamsburg Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Teen girl: Man this sucks. Where are all the punks? –8th & Broadway Overheard by: Mary Chick: Darryl doesn’t even know what hardcore is, first off. He was all, “What, is that like some kind of porn?”. –2nd & A Overheard by: Kira Punk girl: Fight bureaucracy!
Suit: You’re not the boss of me. –Leonard between Broadway & Church Overheard by: Lakini Malich