A man has a bag full of young dogs.
Chick: Oh look! It’s a pouch of puppies!
Angered Man: Puppy pouch.
–5th St. & 2nd Ave.
Archive for the ‘Man’s Best Friend’ Category
A New York Moment
A woman has a chihuahua in her purse. An old man enters the train.
Old man: Cute dog. Do you take him everywhere?
Woman: Uh huh. We saw Spider-man yesterday.
Old man: You saw Spider-man yesterday?
Woman: Yeah.
Old man: How did you like it?
Woman: Oh, you know. It is what it is.
Old man: Not that great, huh? Ha, ha. Well, take care.
The man leaves the train. The woman looks down at her dog.
Woman: That was weird.
–V Train
You’re Jimmy Carter???
Guy: What does that tattoo say?
Chick: *Sigh* I promised myself I’d never get a tattoo unless I had a kid. Then I got a dog. It says Roxy. That’s her name. Now I have to explain to everyone how I’m the biggest loser in the world.
–LES
The Comeback Is: “A Bitch Can’t Be a Team Player”
Yuppie: So I said to him, “But I’m a team player” and then he looked at me and said, “Yeah, my dog’s a team player” and ever since then, I’ve been trying to think of a witty comeback but I haven’t. – 6 Train
It’s All Greek to Me
Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee.
–Midtown office
Because She Peed on the Rug?
Guy: I massaged this girl today. She might as well have been a shar-pei. –Restivo’s, 22nd and 7th Overheard by: Steven Coombs
I Eat Cannibals
An old lady is crossing the street with a small dachshund. As they approach Gray’s Papaya, the woman looks down and asks: Jimmy, did you say you wanted a hot dog? –72nd & Broadway Overheard by: Jonathan
Dog: “Next Time I'll Just Get Him Drunk First.”
Man holding dog in elevator: I said no kisses.
(dog goes to lick owner's face again)
Man holding dog: I said no!
(pause, then kisses dog)
Man holding dog: Okay, I kiss you.
–East Harlem
Like When Newter Gingrich Rants About Gay Marriage
Man in hard hat: My dog Sparky is still in the hospital. The doctor wants to neuter him.
Polite, uncomfortable woman: Really, that is too bad… Has he fathered puppies before?
Man in hard hat: No. But I am going to ship his testicles via FedEx to Iowa. It will cost $200 to freeze his sperm.
Polite, uncomfortable woman: Wow! Um… interesting. (then to friend, as man in hard hat walks away) It was so hard to keep a straight face!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Gigglerocks
American Poor Is Different from Third-World Poor
Hobo #1: Feed our dogs?
Hipster woman: If I give you money, how do I know that it'll go to the dogs?
Hobo #1: Because I say so?
Hipster woman: That's not good enough.
Hobo #1: Come on, we're not assholes.
Hobo #2: Well, actually, we are.
Hobo #1: But not to our dogs!
(hipster woman laughs and walks away)
–3rd Ave & St. Mark's