Archive for the ‘Man’s Best Friend’ Category

A New York Moment

A woman has a chihuahua in her purse. An old man enters the train. Old man: Cute dog. Do you take him everywhere?
Woman: Uh huh. We saw Spider-man yesterday.
Old man: You saw Spider-man yesterday?
Woman: Yeah.
Old man: How did you like it?
Woman: Oh, you know. It is what it is.
Old man: Not that great, huh? Ha, ha. Well, take care. The man leaves the train. The woman looks down at her dog. Woman: That was weird. –V Train

International House of Wednesday One-Liners

Man: Of course, by this point I’ve experienced all sorts of international butt-cracks.

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: ghilledhu

Fat man: Of course this statue was French-made — when you look up her dress she’s not shaved.

–Statue of Liberty

Checkout lady: Nah, he’s third generation. He’s not a real Greek, he’s a fake Greek.

–Key Food, Astoria

Overheard by: sara n.

Guy: Do you think anyone will notice that I’m French?

–E 8th St & Broadway

British bloke, loudly on cell: Listen, I don’t give a shit what time it is over there, you fucking lazy, German sack of shite.

–World Trade Center

Overheard by: alright guv’nor

Lady, about her dog: I think a Mexican family owned him. He refuses to eat anything but rice and beans.

–Diner

Girl on cell: She has this Spanish boyfriend from work who has a girlfriend. But, I guess in Spain or wherever, that’s okay.

–Union Square

Overheard by: kelsey

Will You Split the Payoff with Us?

Airport worker #1: Did you hear about that old black fireman in L? Called himself ‘The Big Dog,’ so the other white fire fighters snuck dog food into his food and then teased him with barking noises for weeks after…
Airport worker #2: No.
Airport worker #1: He sued for discrimination and got, like, a million dollars.
Airport worker #2: That reminds me, we’ve thought about sneaking you cat food.

–JFK

Overheard by: AJ

How Much Is That Wednesday One-Liner in the Window?

50-something Long Island woman, showing pictures of her dog while talking non-stop about it: And this is Cici wearing a hat, she usually wears a hat when she goes out. And this is Cici, very drunk…

–LIRR

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Guy on cell walking a tiny poodle: Dude! The dog did it again. (pause) No, I swear, dude. The. Dog. Did. It. Again. (pause) Dude! This dog talks. Talks.

–Broadway & 43rd St, Astoria

(little girl finishes petting a stranger's dog)
Girl's mother
: Now say "thank you" to its human.


–Central Park Lawn

Hyper tween schoolgirl: Hey mom, remember when we brought the dog to the mall and he peed in a coconut?

–La Pallette, 12th St

Guy to friend: I love her more than anything, but something about the way her puppy's paws smell really seal it.

–Rosa's Pizza, Penn Station

Overheard by: Craig