Archive for the ‘Man’s Best Friend’ Category

Wednesday Caniners

Stylish 20-something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you're out of breath because you're out of shape. (pause) No, you're not fat. You're voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it's not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are.

–Central Park

Young hipster to Labrador, as people approach: Come on! Come on! Say hello! (dog remains seated, doing nothing) God! I've been training him for months to talk to couples and it just isn't working!

–Williamsburg

Woman to her dog: Don't be an insult to your species! Act like a dog!

–10th St & Broadway

Lady to little barking dog: Shut up. This is not your sidewalk.

–Brooklyn

Every One-Liner Has His Wednesday

Girl to friend: If it weren't for my sister's dog, I wouldn't have to drink during the day.

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: Kevin

Gay dude to another: It's so amazing how dogs get all up in there. Like, what if people had to introduce themselves that way? How great would it be if when I met you I had to sniff your ass?

–17th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: BT

Girl on cell: So wait, did Dr Siegel really charge you 150 dollars to chop a pimple off the dog's booty?

–Hart & Irving, Brooklyn

Girl to guy: Ever spend a lot of time with a Shih Tzu?

–MacDougal & 3rd St

Female voice outside my window: And I'm keeping the dog leg–I don't even care what you have to say!

–113th St b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Wednesday Smells So Bad, One-Liners Can Taste It

Ponytailed girl on cell, excitedly: Maybe you have, like, bacterial vaginosis or something! Yeah! That would explain it. No, you don't wanna smell like cinnamon down there, cinnamon toast crotch!

–86th & Lexington

Girl, walking onto stinky train car: Oh, shit, yo! It smells like a whole mess of hot ass up in this piece.

–L Train

Loud singing teen, stopping in mid-song: Damn! Somebody smell like soup!

–F Train

Overheard by: bpm

Smelly woman on elevator: I'ma kick that man's butt. I don't smell that strong!

–Office Building, Harlem

Overheard by: Liz

Man: This place smells like venereal disease!

–Port Authority Subway Tunnel

Overheard by: Courtney

Guy on cell: Who knows what I can do now that I don't smell like dogshit. The sky is the limit. (pause) Yeah, no more living in fear!

–27th & 5th

Wednesdiverse Multi-Liners

Soulful black man: Well, think about this. A white man lived in Graceland, a black man lived in Neverland. (nods knowingly)

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Bearsian

Gallery director to intern: So after he was arrested we sent a letter to Henry Gates asking him for money, you know, since we are a multicultural organization.

–Lower East Side Art Gallery

Latina to Latino: Latinos and black people can't be racist. That's, like, just white people.

–Red Hook, Brooklyn

White hobo: When I see a black nigger together with a white nigger, that just confuses the hell outta me.

–Houston & Clinton

Woman: She likes black dogs because she's black, and I like white dogs because I'm white.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Yehuda