Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

Omg, Like W.O.L.s, Lolcatz!

Girl to another, loudly: Oh my god! Where the fuck were you this morning? I was about to text you, but I realized you couldn't text. And I couldn't text either! And you wouldn't pick up your phone! And I needed to talk to you! But I couldn't reach you! So I just like fucking sat there and screamed for ten minutes! –B9 Bus 20-something male to friend: I am so MIA right now. I am MIA. Like, I text you, but I am MIA. Like, so many people send texts to me, and I'm just MIA. –Downtown 6 Train Overheard by: dallas Girl leaving movie: Well, I'm sure she'll send out a mass text the second she has her baby. –AMC Theater 19th & Broadway Overheard by: Julie 20-something to another: Tiffany, I know I left Jason at the altar…but why didn't he text me back? –1849 Bar, MacDougal & Bleecker Laughing hobo to another: That is the funniest joke I've ever heard! You have to text that to me! –St. Mark's Church, 2nd Ave & 9th St Overheard by: cody

CNN Needs More Scratching and Weave-Pulling

Black girl #1, after watching Eliot Spitzer’s apology: Did you see the wife? She was just standin’ there!
Black girl #2: That’s cause she’s not black. If that was me, I’da took off my ring and throwed it at his head.
Black girl #1: Mmmhmm. If she was black, she’d a keeped it real. –Edward R. Murrow High School

Wednesday One-liners, American Idols

Tourist: Oh my god! That’s Maggie Gyllenhaal. She’s like, actually walking down the street! –Magnolia Bakery Overheard by: Jessica Blackshear JAP: Do not mention that freaking African queen and her recycled husband! –The Prime Grill, 49th Street Twentysomething woman on cell: I’m gonna be late because I had to walk Drew Barrymore’s dog. –in front of American Apparel, 7th Ave

Bootylicious Wednesday One-Liners

Gay guy on cell: And they had the guy with the biggest butt stand next to the guy with the second-biggest butt! Seriously, what is wrong with them? –6th Ave & 12th Woman getting on a crowded train, looking for a seat: See, I told you there would be a lot of behinds on this train! –N Train Overheard by: Some behind lucky enough to find a seat. Thug to another: After I wipe his ass, I'm gonna beat his ass! –86th & Park Ave Woman on cell: So, what are you going to tell him? "Sorry, I can't marry you–your ass is broken"? –1st & 23 Teen to friend: Why didn't he use a tennis racket? It would have left that waffle fry look on your ass. –Bus to Penn Station Skipping tween girl to metrosexual father: I've seen your butt, you know! –72nd & Lexington Ave Overheard by: Shannon

Wednesday One-Liners for Stephen Colbert

Suit on phone: The dream was strange…we are in a library …I say something like "it's a liability." Then you said "your mom's a liability." That was it…I don't know. –Gramercy Park Overheard by: POLA Young suit to another: The world is not your oyster! –Bryant Park Overheard by: Amy Suit to another, as 30-something woman in skirt and high heels passes by: Yowza! And that ends our case study! –Madison Ave & 40th St Overheard by: Casey Stressed female suit: No one gives a fuck anymore. Everyone's just gonna do what they want. And any further complaints can be directed to my ass. –University St b/w 8th & Waverly Middle-aged Asian man in three-piece suit on cell: I mean, how can I live like Bond if I'm married? –46th St & Madison Ave Overheard by: dr. no, i dont do 20-something female suit on cell: Baby, I would love to go to dinner, but you have two options: dinner or sex. I only have time for one. –27th St & Park Ave