Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

NewsFlash: Romance Outbreak in Chelsea!

Girl #1: Hey, if you were dating someone new and then they told you on, like, the third date or whatever that they had genital herpes, would you continue dating them? I mean, like, would you sleep with someone like that?
Girl #2: I don't know. Maybe. I mean, I feel like a lot of people who have herpes don't even know it, so the fact that they told you probably means they're responsible enough to get checked, and they, like, know how to take care of it and everything. In a weird way you may be less likely to get it from them than from someone who never mentions herpes at all.
Girl #1: That's interesting. I think I could do it if, like, I saw myself marrying them. Cause then I wouldn't have to worry about getting it and giving it to someone else. We could just get married, be in love, and be happy together, and grow old with each other, and with herpes.
Girl #2, seriously: That's so romantic.

–American Apparel, Chelsea

Overheard by: Has a different definition of

The Kind Of Thing We've Come to Expect from Blondie.

Blonde in convertible: Hey, cutie!
Suit: (turns around briefly, keeps walking)
Blonde: Hey! With the nice ass, we were talking to you!
Suit, walking back to convertible: Yes?
Blonde: My friend here thinks you're cute and wants your number.
Suit: Uh… I'm flattered, but I have a fiancee, so I'll pass.
Brunette driver: I didn't ask if you were single, I said you had a nice ass and I want your number.
Suit: Again, thanks, but no.
Brunette: How about I give you mine?
Blonde: You know, for when the marriage doesn't work out.
Suit: Yeah, no. But you girls have a great day.

–3rd Ave & 46th St

Doesn't It Go Against the Nature Of an Animal to Keep It Tethered?

Dude to hippie chick walking cat on leash: Yo, that's a funny looking dog you got there.
Hippie chick walking cat: That's 'cause he's a cat.
Dude: Why you walkin' a cat down the street in New York City?
Hippie chick walking cat: Cause back in Colorado, he was indoor-outdoor, and now that we've moved out here for a while I just can't keep him inside. But I can't let him roam free on the streets, so I take him for walks. I love him too much to keep cooped up. It, like, goes against the nature of an animal to keep him inside and not let him experience the world outside and not let him meet other animals and other people.
Dude, amazed: Marry me.

–12th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Yeah, I like weird chicks too

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Do This Again. 'Til Nex Time.

20-something girl to friend: I mean, my husband never asked me a direct question; so I never had to lie. He never said, "what were you doing today at 3 pm?" so I didn't ever have to respond,"screwing my new boyfriend in a Lower East Side apartment that we just rented."

–Max Cafe, Morningside Heights

Girl on cell: This time I'll respect the fact that you're engaged.

–St. Mark's & 1st

Overheard by: spead

White guy to Asian guy: But no sex, because she has a boyfriend… But head is okay…

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: GreenwichSandwich

Man shouting on cell: I'm a spic?! Well, you're a Jew! Besides, how was I supposed to know you had a husband?

–5th Ave & 90th St

30-something guy to another: So I asked this girl if she had any friends she could hook me up with and she responded with an emailed .pdf of names, pictures, phone numbers and a short blurb about each girl. The funniest part was this one girl, it said: "has boyfriend, will fuck other people."

–Union Square West

Overheard by: Brian

Mom's a Real New Yorker

Six-year-old girl #1: I'm going to David & Buster's with my dad.
Six-year-old girl #2: You have a dad!?
Six-year-old girl #1: Yeah, I have a dad. You make it sound like he died or something.
Six-year-old girl #2: But you said your mom isn't married.
Six-year-old girl #1: She isn't.
Six-year-old girl #2: Why not?
Six-year-old girl #1: Because she has a brain. That's what she says. Right, mom?

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Bread82

Translation: Would You Like to Fuck Me Back to Health?

Girl to coughing guy: Dude… Go to the doctor. You sound like the heroine of La Boheme right before the end of the third act.
Guy: Whatever that means?!
Girl: Means you're about to die of tuberculosis. Everyone in opera seems to die of tuberculosis. I mean, unless it's opera buffa, in which case everyone just ends up getting married after first switching places with really inadequate disguises… (pause) Sorry, ignore me…
Guy: No, that was quite interesting, actually…

–Mannes College of Music

Apparently Two Gays Don't Make a Straight

Drunk man #1: Oh my god, Lily Tomlin, man?
Drunk man #2: Yeah?
Drunk man #1: Yeah, really! Nine to Five? Awesome.
Drunk man #2: I didn't know.
Drunk man #1: Yeah, dude! She was in Blue Hawaii with Elvis.
Drunk man #2: I had no idea.
Drunk man #1: I wish I met her, man. She died right after she married Lou Reed.

–Grand Central Station