Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

Wednesday One-Linered…With Children

Old Jewish woman to very nervous Asian 25-year-old bride to be: Honey, I've been married 53 years. The secret to a great marriage? Give him lots of sex. Lots of good sex.

–Dumbo, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tanya

Man on cell: I told her I would convert. We could go to Vegas and get married next week, no problem.

–64th & Amsterdam

Woman on phone: My ex-boyfriend was 24 and he was able to support me, and you're 35 on an engineer's salary and you can't do the same. Do you know how many guys are begging to marry me, and can give me a dowry? So fuck you!

–Target Store, Brooklyn

Hispanic woman on phone: So where are you now? You already married him? Oh, okay. See you later.

–28th & Park Avenue South

Overheard by: Alie

Five-year-old boy to teacher about five-year-old girl next to him: We're going to get married. (to five-year-old girl) What's your name again?

–61st & Amsterdam

Husband: Omagah, THX 1138– Very Hot!

Hipster guy: I forgot to tell you — she cut off all her hair.
Hipster girl: What?!
Hipster guy: She said she wanted short hair once in her life.
Hipster girl: Oh my god! She’s crazy!
Hipster guy: I know.
Hipster girl: Oh my god! I can’t believe she did that!
Hipster guy: I guess it doesn’t matter when you’re married.

–F train, Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners in Elbow-Patch Blazers

Professor: So I told my grad students they could have an A if they earned it, or if they beat me in a 12-minute cage fight.

–Fordham Universityy

Israeli politics professor, after class: There's enough Tylenol out there to take care of your hangovers after Purim. So, all your sorry little asses better be in this class at three o'clock, Wednesday afternoon.

–Yeshiva University

English professor: Yeah, the end of the poem relates to the beginning. Every good poem has a return… just like a good walk.

–Hunter college

Professor: Of course there was marital harmony! As we all know, the family who cuts drugs together, stays together.

–Fordham Law School

Overheard by: EntertainedStudent

Professor: An example of synecdoche would be, "get your ass over here." You want all of them, not just their ass. But sometimes, you do just want their ass. And we all know how that goes. But that sort of thing doesn't happen in a classroom… usually.

–NYU

Overheard by: queenofscots

Or If We Were an Alien Race That Mated Through Our Hands

Short, fat, toothless-sounding woman: What we do is not disgraceful. There's nothing disgraceful about you.
Tall thin man, with boom box in hand: No.
Short, fat, toothless-sounding woman: There's nothing disgraceful about me.
Tall thin man: No.
Short, fat, toothless-sounding woman: It's the sin that's disgraceful. Us, holding hands, how we show our love, that's fine. It would be a whole different story if I wasn't married, but I am.

–Essex & Delancey

Overheard by: nb