Frat boy: That is the last time I am *ever* jacking off to gay porn. –Gristedes, 42nd St Overheard by: …while sober or drunk? Frat boy to another frat boy staring intently at a young woman dressed as a Hogwarts student: I am really drunk! –14th St & University Place Midwest frat dude: The ugliest girls in New York City are like the hottest girls I've ever seen! –St.Marks & 3rd Ave Overheard by: slohmie Frat boy: Dude, I'm not hating -I love gay guys. All I'm saying is -they buy a lot of Kosher wine. –23rd St & 7th Ave Overheard by: Dina Frat boy: We've had sex everywhere… In cars, in public places…I've seen her vagina more times than I've seen my mother's! –Wagner College
Homeless man: If I can’t get me a girl, I’m gonna masturbate until my dick falls off!
Nearby butch-looking chick: Yeah!! Me, too! –Bleecker & Broadway Overheard by: smokincat
Guy: Is it just me, or does being sick make you really horny?
Girl: I’m pretty sure it’s just you.
Guy: Oh. Well that may be because I’m just really horny all the time.
Girl: Then get away from me and watch some pornos.
Guy: I don’t think that’s the remedy I had in mind.
Random guy: There’s no shame in masturbating, my brotha. It’s totally natural. Hell, I do it all the time. I just did it five minutes ago in the Starbucks bathroom.
Girl: Run! –Union Square Overheard by: was on my way to Starbucks until I heard this!
Construction worker #1: Yeah, she brought out the body oil and was rubbing it every! I was like “I don't think I'm going to last too long now!”
Construction worker #2: That's one of those dates where you really need to beat off before you go! You really gotta hit the testicles! –42nd St & 8th Ave
Preppy guy #1: I hate geese shit on fields.
Preppy guy #2: It’s not so bad. It’s a good lubricant for when you slide-tackle people. You know, you just keep sliding…
Preppy guy #3: Dude, I can’t remember the last time I jerked off using geese shit. It can’t be that good a lubricant! –Central Park
Young teen girl: I've done cybersex so often I forgot how to type with two hands. –A Train Suit on cell: I have nothing to blog about. I have nothing to video blog about. Man, yesterday I had to force myself to tweet! –Uptown 4 Train Overheard by: cowgirly Girl selling peaches to another: Yeah, my dad was so unsympathetic when I told him my computer crashed that I went straight to the Apple store and charged a new hard drive to his credit card. I was really proud of myself. –Fort Greene Farmers Market Overheard by: Morning Glory Teenage girl to friend: I don't see why we're even here. We could see all this stuff on the internet for free. –Metropolitan Museum Overheard by: Derek
MC guy: Okay everyone, I need a verb!
MC guy: Cry…what?
Girl: It’s like, when you’re sad and you masturbate! –Kimmel Center, Washington Square South Overheard by: Athena Woman: …so, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to masturbate or cry! –Comfort Diner, West 23rd Street
Hipster chick: Oh! Thanks for carrying my bag!
Hipster guy: No problem. I’ll just masturbate on your face later.
Hipster chick, laughing: Well, I didn’t want to say it in public… –Deli, 9th St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: didn’t want to know that
Teen boy #1: Dude, are you gay?
Teen boy #2: No. Why?
Teen boy #1: Because I saw you whacking off to your cousin! Did you shoot on him?
Teen boy #2: No, we were comparing sizes!
Teen boy #1: Well, that’s gay. You’re never suppose to show your stuff to another guy! –5th Ave Overheard by: Austin Crumpler
Guy: Dude, have you ever tried to jack off twice in 20 minutes? –Columbia University