Archive for the ‘Masturbation’ Category

Different Strokes for Different Wednesday One-Liners

Guy saying goodbye to lady friend: Then I masturbated, and rubbed this sandwich all over myself! (proceeds to rub sub sandwich over his chest)

–46th St & Broadway

Overheard by: James

Man to woman pushing stroller: That guy's kid beats the meat all day long!

–66th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Wow.

Guy in trench coat: He masturbated the other day in order to expel…

–Union Square

Overheard by: Amused

Girl: You really need good hand-eye coordination to masturbate.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Guy on phone: So, even though we're not together anymore, you don't want me seeing other people? (pause) What am I supposed to do? (pause) What do I need to use my hand for?

–White Plains Road

Overheard by: Chad

Only for Catholics

Teen: That guy is jerkin’ it right there in public!
Mother: Look away. He just has a disease.
Teen: What? So chronic masturbation is a disease now?

–42nd St subway

Overheard by: come again?

Headline by: gerard

Runners-Up:
· “Cause Dad Said Its a Cure for Fat Wife Syndrome” – angelica cayne

· “Come Again?” – Mary Beth
· “Ironically, NOT Healed by Laying on Of Hands” – JohnnyB
· “Momma Don’t Know Jack.” – jason daniel
· “No. I Was Referring To The Pus Pockets On The Head Of His Penis.” – Redneck Jedi
· “There’s Even a 12 Stroke Program” – Grantakerous
· “We’re Tivoing _That_ Telethon!” – Vera Vaughan Hough


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

I Locked the Gryffindor and Hung by My Tits from the Ravenclaws While Slytherin’ My Hufflepuff

Boyfriend: So you went home, drank two Smirnoff Ices, watched Harry Potter one and a half times, and masturbated twice?
Girlfriend: Yep.

–City Hall Park

Headline by: Lord Pervdevert

Runners-Up:
· “Nice.” – ImmaculatePizza
· “And That’s Why You Couldn’t Meet My Parents?” – Gerard
· “Best 13th Birthday Ever” – downtown
· “Just Another Night for JK Rowling” – Suzy
· “Rookie” – 6th Floor Blogger
· “Underage or Underloved?” – em


Click here to see the new Headline Contest