Girl to coughing guy: Dude… Go to the doctor. You sound like the heroine of La Boheme right before the end of the third act.
Guy: Whatever that means?!
Girl: Means you're about to die of tuberculosis. Everyone in opera seems to die of tuberculosis. I mean, unless it's opera buffa, in which case everyone just ends up getting married after first switching places with really inadequate disguises… (pause) Sorry, ignore me…
Guy: No, that was quite interesting, actually…
–Mannes College of Music
Archive for the ‘Medicine’ Category
Four Of Those Times Were Totally Other People's Faults
Punk teenager to girlfriend, watching ambulance pass: See, those people are good, they save lives.
Punk girlfriend: Yeah, yours. How many times now?
Punk boyfriend, offended: That's not funny.
–McKibbon Sreet, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rachel
Who Says Girls Are Bad at Meth?
Teenage girl #1, taking drag off cigarette: So yeah–she has totally been taking that medicine, you know? The one that makes you stay awake. What's it called?
Teenage girl #2, taking cig from friend and inhaling : Ummm… Crystal meth ?
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Nikki
Wednesday One-Liners: Guaranteed to Rot Your Teeth.
20-something women in yoga gear, simultaneously: It was like a blessing in cake form.
–Astor Place
Girl: I'm too single to eat a brownie.
–NYU Library
Guy on cell: Soft Serve is so good, you will step in dog poop and not even care!
–14th St b/w 7th & 8th
Serious guy on his way out of restaurant, to girl: So all we need are aspirin and Skittles.
–Angelo's Pizza
Assertive little boy in shopping cart seat, grabbing mom's face: I want to buy a chocolate croissant and eat it. Do you understand what I'm saying?
–Food Coop, Park Slope
Overheard by: Jenny
Wednesday Accidentally Leaves a Sponge in the One-Liner
Woman: I told him I wasn't opposed to dinner just because he's had a vasectomy.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Meister
Preppy guy: They took cartilage out of his ear and put it in my nose.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Ladle
UES woman: I'm going to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.
–89th and Park
Overheard by: AeC and jRw
Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it removed
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.
–Elevator in the Hudson Hotel
Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay – it's just routine anal surgery!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Tam
When You Sprinkle It on Your Cereal
Salesgirl #1: It smells like berries.
Salesgirl #2: That's just, like, the normal Vicodin smell.
–Park Slope
…Like, One That Makes You Thin?
Woman: And she's dying from some disease.
Man: Well, is it a good disease?
–57th & 7th
Overheard by: ian
How Was Your Martin Luther King Day, New York?
Nurse to Asian woman at free blood pressure screening: Ma'am, you need to get your high blood pressure checked out by a doctor.
Asian woman: No English.
Elderly black woman: I speak Chinese.
Nurse: Really?
Elderly black woman: Yeah. Ching-ching-ching!
–Harlem
Overheard by: LisaG
And Bonded Over Munchausen by Proxy
Girl #1: Where'd they meet? She had to have met him in a hospital!
Girl #2: No, they met on JDate.
–3rd Ave & 13th St
This Would Make an Awesome Screenplay
Woman #1, seated at bar in restaurant: My daughter told me she was going to finish med school, then her internship, and then her residency… but before going into practice she was going to take time off to “follow her dream.”
Woman #2, seated at bar: What's her dream?
Woman #1: To become a professional wrestler.
–Restaurant, West Village