Archive for the ‘Medicine’ Category

That's the Last Time I'll Try Something New, “Just for Kicks.”

Oldish lady #1: So, how have you been?
Oldish lady #2: Well, I just had a horrible experience! People always told me that ultrasounds were worse than childbirth, and I never believed them. You know, I never had children. But really! They were doing an ultrasound and I've never experienced anything more painful in my entire life! And then they couldn't find my gallbladder! It was horrible!

–37 Arts, W 37th St

Overheard by: hunterfosterspitsalot

You'll Be Shitting on Top Of the World

Hot man, in consultative tone: Very underrated how taking a huge dump can improve your day.
Hot woman: Seriously!
Hot man: I have something for you. Something that will change your life. I'm completely serious. Have you ever tried Metamucil?
Hot woman: No.
Hot man: You will take the most massive dumps ever and feel great. It's like weightlifting for your bowels.

–26th & Madison Ave

These Wednesday One-Liners May Be Difficult to Swallow.

30-something on cell: What can I say, the only thing that I can commit to is Percocet.

–63rd & Amsterdam Ave

Suit: Yeah, I didn't even take any Adderall this morning, and I feel fine!

–Wall Street

Girl, casually: I took a few too many Xanax earlier and now I feel like I'm driving my body…

–Cooper Union Foundation Building

Girl on phone: Fine, sniff your lavender, but I still think pills are better.

–52nd & 10th

Overheard by: krysta

Wednesday Coughs Up Some One-Liners

Kid on cell: So I rubbed it really hard and really fast… and I made her throw up.

–Marble Hill High School

Drinker to friend, while playing flip cup: I will throw up in your pussy wagon.

–Whiskey Tavern, Chinatown

Woman: I'm really glad it wasn't the Prozac making her throw up… just her other meds.

–33rd St & Park Ave

Girl: My uterus is vomiting!

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Wednesday One-Liners Mostly Just Stand Around

Security guard: Oh, man, thank god for anti-depressants and alcohol! Nothing like Jack Daniels to get you through the day.

–The Met

Building security guard to mailman: Don't you think tv saved the world? Say you've got 10, 12, 14, 16 kids . . .

–William & Beekman

NYU security guard to long line of kids: A'ight kids, e-z passes out. Put your IDs in the air and wave them like you just don't care!

–College of Arts and Science, Washington Square Park

Security man: No photos in Tim Burton! No pictures, no photos! Tell a friend, tell a neighbor, tell someone you don't like!

–Tim Burton Exhibit, MoMA

Security guard: Have a nice day… Now get the hell out of here.

–JFK Airport