Man wearing fork bracelet (to woman wearing fork bracelet): Oh my God! Is that an actual fork? –Union Square North
Businesschick: Are you still with that girl?
Businessguy: No. She kept trying to get me to go to AA. One night out with me and you’ll see..!
Businesschick: Oh, I’ve seen the aftermath. The stitches, the blood. –Midtown Office
Three policemen are talking to a man inside Two Boots Pizza behind the security gate and locked front door, 9 am Sunday morning.
Cop: How did you get in here?
Man: I woke up here in the middle of the night!
Cop: Do you work here?
Man: No! –Avenue A
Garbageman: They all wanna fucking be like us. –LES Overheard by: Justin Sheckler
Man: I directed a show at a musical theatre awards dinner last night. All the great, older musical writers were there: Kander, Ebbs, everyone. You should see their wives. They’re gorgeous.
Woman: They have wives? I thought they were gay.
Man: Oh, no. They’re Jewish. –LES
A man hands a woman a brochure for erectile dysfunction. Man: I’m not only the president, I’m also a client. –MetroNorth Train Overheard by: Mark
Guy: Yeah, man, that’s true. But you have to keep in mind that while you’re emotionally emasculated, he’s physically emasculated, and there’s a helluva difference. –Knitting Factory Overheard by: Patrick Taylor
Man: 40 is the new 30; my teacher said that. She said 12 is the new 11. But she used to say 11 was the new 10. –St. Mark’s Place
Don Juan: Sure I got a seven inch dick, but the thing no one ever talks about is I got a seven inch ball sack, too. –Avenue A
Panhandler: Spare some change? Help a brother out.
Panhandlee: Yeah. Go ask your brother. –Union Square station