Don Juan: Sure I got a seven inch dick, but the thing no one ever talks about is I got a seven inch ball sack, too. –Avenue A
Three policemen are talking to a man inside Two Boots Pizza behind the security gate and locked front door, 9 am Sunday morning.
Cop: How did you get in here?
Man: I woke up here in the middle of the night!
Cop: Do you work here?
Man: No! –Avenue A
Garbageman: They all wanna fucking be like us. –LES Overheard by: Justin Sheckler
Man: I directed a show at a musical theatre awards dinner last night. All the great, older musical writers were there: Kander, Ebbs, everyone. You should see their wives. They’re gorgeous.
Woman: They have wives? I thought they were gay.
Man: Oh, no. They’re Jewish. –LES
A man hands a woman a brochure for erectile dysfunction. Man: I’m not only the president, I’m also a client. –MetroNorth Train Overheard by: Mark
Guy: Yeah, man, that’s true. But you have to keep in mind that while you’re emotionally emasculated, he’s physically emasculated, and there’s a helluva difference. –Knitting Factory Overheard by: Patrick Taylor
Panhandler: Spare some change? Help a brother out.
Panhandlee: Yeah. Go ask your brother. –Union Square station
Man: 40 is the new 30; my teacher said that. She said 12 is the new 11. But she used to say 11 was the new 10. –St. Mark’s Place
Old Coot: When you take over someone’s empire, you get more of them coming in. I turned on the ball game, and the stadium was all Spanish! This guy came to talk to me from the Daily News, and it turned out to be El Diario! –Carmine St.
Marine: Dodgeball is something that they would show me in a POW camp! I couldn’t stomach it. –Casa Bella, Mulberry St.