Archive for the ‘Men’ Category

Wednesdays Don’t Kill People; One-Liners Kill People

Large black man on cell phone: They did the deal with the diamonds, then the other guy got greedy and shot up the place. –Union Ave Overheard by: Seth Callaway Teen, looking around: Where are we? Are we purchasing illegal arms? –Turkish Restaurant, Montague St. Overheard by: Mike N Blonde chick in pink coat, perkily: … There was no exit wound, and no bullet. –L train Overheard by: Ladle Girl talking to co-worker: I live near Wall Street and there are like army men down there with machine guns and it’s scary! How do I know they don’t have Tourette’s and won’t just start shooting their guns all over the place?! –41st & 3rd Older suit, calmly, to his two female coworkers: I’d like to put a gun to his head and say "Nickie do the right thing or I will blow your fucking head off."
[His companions nod in understanding.] –Starbucks Calm Jewish fraternity guy on cell: So, I’m being deported and drafted into the Israeli army… It’s okay, I’ll name my gun after you! –NYU Waverly Building

The Wednesday Bone's Connected to the One-Liner Bone…

Man with beard to friend: You should stick with her. I mean, she's giving you her kidney! –77th & Columbus Teen hipster, commenting on girl's nose: It's not too nosy, but you know it's a nose. –Starbucks, 71st & Broadway Overheard by: Maddie Girl: She just really needs that second body, you know? –W 16th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Emily B. Guy yelling to friend: So I said "My rectum? My rectum!?" –Broadway & John St Guy on phone: No, bitch, you rub my belly! –Houston St Conductor over intercom, after train stops: Folks, I apologize for the delay, the conductor had to make a pit stop…when you get old, your kidneys start to fail. –Metro North Train Overheard by: Kristin

Beware Of Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell with dog in her bag: So I was just like "You're a friggin douche!" (pauses and looks in bag) Fuck! My asshole dog just shit in my bag! (takes dog out) Oh my god! It shit in my lap! It's everywhere! Help me, Dana! –D Train Overheard by: Hahahahaaaaa Passerby to young woman tying up about 10 dogs, singing: Who let the dogs out? Who? –E 90th St Six-year-old girl to mother: And then I said, "Oh, Shihtzu!" –Houston & Orchard Overheard by: j Man on cell: I mean, I don't want to compare her to a dog. But, I just don't want to pet that, if you know what I mean. –E 4th St & Lafayette Overheard by: amanda Large scruffy man in deli apron, watching hot Latina: Woof! (pause) Sorry baby, it's just the dog in me. Woof! –2nd Ave & 94th St Fat man to female friend: I don't know that dogs are delicious. Rather, I know that pork is. –Broadway & Chambers St Overheard by: Carolyn S Girl, pointing at Dachshunds: Look, Chihuahuas! –Winter Gardens

Wednesday One-Loiners

Drunk jock: She left cuz she said she was hungry. Well, I'll put that fuckin' falafel on my dick! –LaGuardia & W 4th Overheard by: Not drunk College guy to no one in particular: She was trying to suck my dick! …so I slapped her with it! –Port Authority Overheard by: Kate V. Woman to man: See, I don't have a dick, I have a pussy, but I told him to suck my dick. –South Park Slope Drunk guy outside subway entrance: Racism can go suck a dick! I don't care who you are, if you're racist, I. Will. Fight. You. –Central Park Entrance Overheard by: HAIR-y Woman to another: I never had to dress up my vagina to get a dick. An old man would have had me pinned against a wall in a second. –Century 21 Store Girl on cell: Yeah, well, you know what his defense was? (pause) Yeah, he tried to tell the judge he couldn't have done it because his dick was too huge. (pause) I know! And it gets better! He wanted to make a plaster of Paris mold of his dick to prove it was too big! (pause) Oh, I'm serious. (pause) Yeah, no…I don't know what he was going to do with the mold of his dick. Maybe he was gonna submit it as Exhibit A or something, and shove it up in her to prove his point. –Penn Station