Metrosexual: Do you think she’s a Volvic kind of girl or more of a Poland Spring or Crystal Geyser?
Girlfriend: Ummm, I see her as a Volvic… Maybe not.
Metrosexual: I think I’ll go with Poland Spring. I hope she likes it.
Girlfriend: I hope you’re right.
–Deli, 36th & 8th
Overheard by: Maybe she likes the Hudson…
Archive for the ‘Metrosexuals’ Category
It’s Too Hard Pretending to Be Who I Already Am
Metrosexual: Have you gone to that hair salon I told you about?
Scruffy artist: I walked by…
Metrosexual: It’s beautiful.
Scruffy artist: I can’t go in. It’s too hipster.
Metrosexual: No! It’s anti-hipster.
Scruffy artist: Well, I can’t do the cultural math.
–Ft Greene apartment building lobby
And Then They Go Home with You
Eager, straight-ish hipster dude to posse: We could ask gay guys which one of us they think is cuter…
Cute hipster friend: No, I always win that game.
–Pyramid, Ave A, between 6th & 7th St
Overheard by: Dan
Wednesday One-Liners Remember When It Just Meant “Happy?”
Drunk queer: I am not gay! Just remind me of that later.
–Bushwick
Overheard by: uninvited party guest
Lemming: Are we still following the Gaylords or are we becoming Independent?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Midwesterner: I had a dream that I had a lot of funny faggot friends. It was so much fun! Then I woke up.
–Avents
Metrosexual: So, I’m thinking of becoming gay. What about you? Are you still gay?
–35th & Broadway
Chick on cell: I mean, when it’s just the two of us, he’s really gay — and I’m talking gayer than you — and frankly, that’s gay… And I don’t understand why he can’t just be that gay on stage… So hey, did you hear about that plane crash? Yeah… yeah… yeah, New Yorkers are really sensitive to planes crashing into buildings — something must have happened a while ago or something… Yeah, so I think I’m going to have sex with that guy from Craigslist… Although, he is ten years older than me, so if he’s looking for commitment he can have sex with me while he’s looking… It is not trashy — you can’t do anything trashy in your early 20s. I still have four more years until I have to even start thinking about being too trashy… Hey, can I call you back? I have to call my mom.
–10 express bus
French woman: So this Gaydar… It is like a radar? For the gays?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Latina on cell: I’ll fucking kill him. I will. I’ll fucking kill him. I don’t know. No. He’s not. I just hate it that he thinks he can treat you like that. I mean, I’ll fucking kill him even though he’s a man, you know? I’ll fucking walk up to him and, like, stab him or something. Fuck yeah, I got a knife. I mean, maybe he’s gay, though. That must be it. He’s gay. No, no, no. He’s gay.. He has to be. No, I know he is. It’s a fact. That’s the only thing that makes sense, right? I mean, what other option is there?
–Graham Ave, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Following Quietly Behind
“…What about in the Southern Hemisphere?’
Chick: Oh my god, my hair is so dark!
Stylist guy: Does it look fake?
Chick: No, I just didn’t know it would be this dark.
Stylist guy: Well, it will look lighter when your hair dries.
Chick: Really?
–Ibiza Hair Salon, 4th Avenue
Overheard by: Kenzi
Goddamn Metrosexuals Ruining It for Everyone
Hobo: Excuse me, can you spare some change or something to eat? I haven’t eaten anything…I haven’t eaten anything since this morning.
Guy: Yeah? Neither have I.
–107th & Broadway
Overheard by: m-Co
