Archive for the ‘Mets’ Category

There's No Crying in Wednesday One-Liners!

Conductor: This is Willets Point/Shea Stadium. You know, home of the other team. (passengers laugh) You may laugh, but we all know no one really likes the Mets. Anyhoo, have a nice day, everyone. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Kristen

20-something guy wearing Red Sox hat to girlfriend: There's no way we can have kids in New York. They'd be going to school with a bunch of brainwashed Yankee fan offspring, and every night we'd have to be telling them bedtime stories that end with "and they all lived happily every after, except for Derek Jeter, because he's a fuckin' asshole."

–1 Train

Young woman on cell: I'm from New York, but live in Boston, but want to move back to New York… It's hard being a Yankees fan surrounded by fucking Red Sox fans. I can't do it anymore.

–L Train

Overheard by: I agree…

Subway conductor: Yankees fans. This is a Bronx-bound express D. This will not stop at Yankee stadium. Transfer at the next station to the B. (20 minutes later) Yankees fans. I promise you this train will not stop at Yankee stadium. You can transfer to the B at the next station. Or you could just not go to the game. The choice is yours.

–D Train

20-something mother to another, trying hard to look knowledgeable: The Yankees and Mets are playing two games today, the first at Yankee stadium and the second at Fenway, where the Mets play.

–Barnes & Noble Cafe

Woman in Jesus t-shirt: Jesus hates the Yankees.

–Uptown C Train

Overheard by: Penny

Conductor to packed train: Attention, attention passengers. To all Yankee fans on this train, please have a safe day today, and enjoy the game. Personally, I am a Red Sox fan. That is all.

–Uptown 4 Train

Wednesday One-Liners Have ‘Roid Rage

Teen guy: My math teacher says that I should learn this stuff since it’s going to be useful, but I told her, ‘When I go to college, I’m majoring in Lacrosse.’ The coach can hire a tutor for anything else they want me to do.

–Amtrak train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Lacrosse-titute

Conductor: Fourth avenue. Transfer here to the R train on the lower level. The time is 6:36. The score is five-four, Mets. Thank you for riding MTA New York City Transit.

–F stop, 4th Ave

Overheard by: mili

Conductor: And don’t forget, you heard it here first: Yankees, five, Detroit, two. Mets… more than the other team. Anyone knows who the other team is, that’s good. Mets gonna have more runs than the other team. Next stop, 34th street.

–Downtown A train

Overheard by: Pebbles

Woman on cell: Well, I’m sorry if my commitment to the Mets is not all you had hoped it would be!

–2nd Ave & 82nd St

Overheard by: aislinn

Yankees fan: So they found Lidle’s passport… Did they find his pitching arm?

–53rd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: tragedy + 2 minutes = comedy

Guy: This goddamn fucking son of a bitch! Darryl Strawberry just stole a thousand dollars from me!

–Office, 30th St

Overheard by: Bagel

B&T girl: I hate sports. I mean, I don’t even know what’s going on down there.

–On line for Slate

Overheard by: acep

Grand Slam Wednesday One-Liners

Man selling CDs: If you like the Mets, you will love my album!

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: nicole


Mets fan
: I don’t care if I have one lung, or only have half a pancreas, or if I lose a leg falling in front of the train. As long as the Mets win, I’m good to go.


–7 train


Asshole, pointing to guy with Red Sox bumper sticker on his wheelchair
: He’s a Boston fan; let’s kick his ass! Oh wait, looks like God beat us to it.


–126th & St Nick


Conductor, on PA
: That Johnny Damon. He sure looks like Jesus. But he sure throws like my little sister.


–Amtrak train out of Penn Station

Overheard by: Lisita


MTA worker
: All people for the Mets game, go to your right. All people for the US Open, if any, go to your left.


–Willets Point-Shea Stadium subway station

Overheard by: Emily


Thugette
: Yo, when I make it in show business, I will not speak to Ben Affleck. When I found out he’s a Red Sox fan, I decided then and there.


–Q65 bus

Overheard by: A White Bear


Conductor
: 161st Street, Yankee Stadium. Let Big Papi know who the real MVP is.


–D train

Overheard by: Lindsay J.


Those SOBs Probably Had It Coming

Guy #1: Well, you know, I am a Mets fan.
Guy #2: Dude, then you’re okay in my book. You could murder puppies and that’s okay so long as you’re a Mets fan!
Guy #3: Um, he does.
Guy #2: Exactly! You can totally murder puppies if you’re a Mets fan!
Guy #3: No, he really does.
Guy #2: Totally!
Guy #3: He’s a vet.
Guy #1: I am. –Party, 74th & 1st