Archive for the ‘Midwesterners’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Remember When It Just Meant “Happy?”

Drunk queer: I am not gay! Just remind me of that later. –Bushwick Overheard by: uninvited party guest Lemming: Are we still following the Gaylords or are we becoming Independent? –Central Park Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie Midwesterner: I had a dream that I had a lot of funny faggot friends. It was so much fun! Then I woke up. –Avents Metrosexual: So, I’m thinking of becoming gay. What about you? Are you still gay? –35th & Broadway Chick on cell: I mean, when it’s just the two of us, he’s really gay — and I’m talking gayer than you — and frankly, that’s gay… And I don’t understand why he can’t just be that gay on stage… So hey, did you hear about that plane crash? Yeah… yeah… yeah, New Yorkers are really sensitive to planes crashing into buildings — something must have happened a while ago or something… Yeah, so I think I’m going to have sex with that guy from Craigslist… Although, he is ten years older than me, so if he’s looking for commitment he can have sex with me while he’s looking… It is not trashy — you can’t do anything trashy in your early 20s. I still have four more years until I have to even start thinking about being too trashy… Hey, can I call you back? I have to call my mom. –10 express bus French woman: So this Gaydar… It is like a radar? For the gays? –Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle Latina on cell: I’ll fucking kill him. I will. I’ll fucking kill him. I don’t know. No. He’s not. I just hate it that he thinks he can treat you like that. I mean, I’ll fucking kill him even though he’s a man, you know? I’ll fucking walk up to him and, like, stab him or something. Fuck yeah, I got a knife. I mean, maybe he’s gay, though. That must be it. He’s gay. No, no, no. He’s gay.. He has to be. No, I know he is. It’s a fact. That’s the only thing that makes sense, right? I mean, what other option is there? –Graham Ave, Williamsburg Overheard by: Following Quietly Behind

Why NY is not Minneapolis

Middle-aged man at the Minneapolis airport: “When Minnesota first got the lotto, they had the scratch-off lottery cards. I waited on line in a corner store, and the clerk asked me if I wanted to buy one and I said, ‘No. I do not play the lottery.’ The person behind me, as I was leaving, bought a ticket and won $1,000. The clerk turned to me and said, ‘See, you should have bought a ticket!’ and I said to her, ‘No, I’m glad I didn’t. Because I don’t play the lottery.'”

I Just Hope It's Not a Musical

Midwestern tourist lady #1: So last night we saw this great show, Fela!, about this musician. It was so moving, and I learned so much about that political situation…
Midwestern tourist lady #2: Which political situation?
Midwestern tourist lady #1: Well, you know, the political situation in Nigeria… And how Fela, like, helped to change it.
Midwestern tourist lady #2: But what was the situation?
Midwestern tourist lady #1: Just like, the political situation in Nigeria.
Midwestern tourist lady #2: I see. Well, I'll try to get tickets! –F Train

Watch Wednesday One-Liners' Noses Grow!

Chubby Midwestern woman on cell: Yeah, I'm at Saks Fifth Avenue right now. –Burger King Overheard by: willy cheesesteak Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm heading west on 23rd. –1st Ave Overheard by: Angela Suit on cell, pacing around fountain: Yeah, baby I'm so sick, I could barely get out of bed this morning, I dragged myself to the kitchen. Didn't go to work or anything. Yeah, I think I'm just going to try to sleep it off, tonight. Guess dinner's off, sorry. –Central Park Fountain Overheard by: Knows Suits on cells are always lying Man on cell, entering subway station: Yeah, I'm going to my limousine now, I'll talk to you later. –Subway, 66th & Broadway Dude in hoodie on cell, exiting subway: No, baby, I can't–I'm in Manhattan. No, I'm in Manhattan! –86th St & 4th Ave, Bay Ridge Man in jeans purchasing Doritos, on cell: Dude, I can't talk right now, I'm running in the marathon. Call you back in a few hours? –Duane Reade, 87th & York Overheard by: Upper East Sider

A Wednesday One-Liner to Remember

Midwestern mother to ticket vendor: Thank goodness for the bus, we've been in the hotel for four days because we can't walk anymore! –50th St & 7th Ave Overheard by: Kate Ditz, singing and marching: It's a sidewalk, so I have to walk on it! –St. Mark's & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Hannah Sarcastic, portly girl: Great, my two favorite things: walking and learning. –Governor's Island Ferry Crazy man in the middle of the street blocking traffic: Car are outlawed! Walk everywhere! I walked to China last week! I walked to Paris yesterday! –18th & 3rd Overheard by: Maria Tough guy to another: I'm a little afraid to walk around with you 'cause it seems everyone you work with dies. –PJ Clarke's