Archive for the ‘MoMA’ Category

Security Guard: Ummm… My Breasts Are Just Malformed

Crazy lady, after announcement of impending closing: Don’t kick me out! You can’t kick me out — I’m handicapped! [Security guard stares.] I have my sticker! In my bag! [Announcement repeats in French.] I don’t even understand what she’s saying! [Minutes later] Hey! Is this a new Picasso? I’ve never seen this one before! –MoMA Overheard by: stoned assholes

This Is Just Like the Time at That Funeral

Mid-30s male: I thought that we would see more chicks in this place…
Mid-50s male: Yeah! I mean, this is, like, a total sausage-fest in here.
Mid-30s male: Look at that slut over there. You could see her fucking nipples from a mile away.
Mid-50s male: I can’t see shit. Where’s my fucking glasses when I need them? –MoMA Overheard by: Wow! Where are the women

Mommy’s Not Done Tucking, Honey

Little girl singing in stall: It’s okay that Mommy is a man, Mommy is a man, Mommy is a man! It’s okay that…
Mom: Brooke! Jesus Christ!
Little girl: Oh, Mommy is a man la la la la la! Can we get tacos? –Restroom, MoMA Overheard by: ChaChaCha

Wednesday One-Liners Have Lost Their Group

Teenage boy tourist: Times Square is by far the coolest part of New York. It’s almost like heaven! –Times Square A tourist is craning his neck to photograph the Empire State Building. New Yorker: What is he looking at?! … Oh. –34th & 5th Tourist: There isn’t anywhere within walking distance. –53rd & Lex Overheard by: Not a Clueless Tourist Hobo, after stealing someone’s luggage: Tourists need to be more careful when they come to New York City. –6th Ave & 23rd St Overheard by: BOB Sled Tourist dropping money in front of frozen female mime he’s been staring at for five minutes: That was truly incredible. Thank you so much. –Outside MoMA Tourist: I guess we should go to the Ground Zeroes. –5th Ave & 13th St Overheard by: Sally Tomato Thug: Just push them out of the way. They’re tourists, they’ll love it. –Times Square Overheard by: duffduff

Hee Hee Hee, You Said ‘Wednesday One-Liners’

Woman: See? I’m really good at boning. –Gavroche, 14th & 7th Overheard by: the immature restaurant guest Woman, yelling over to man during downpour: How come every man I date ends up getting me wet? –Water Club, 500 E 30th Overheard by: Carolyn Burly guy: Dude, can you help me get it up? –Gold’s Gym, 250 West 54th Teen: I was so thirsty. Anything that went in my mouth, I swallowed. –LIRR Overheard by: kaydot NYU trendoid: I need some nuts, like, hardcore. –MoMA Conductor: Please let the passengers get off before pushing on the train. Get them off. Get them off. Get them off fast! –Manhattan bound L train Overheard by: Philip Girl: Ooo! I’ll suck on it with you! –3rd St & 6th Ave Overheard by: confused grad student