Archive for the ‘Moms’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me…

Ghetto black woman to four-year-old son: The ice ain't gonna respect you, you gotta respect the ice, nigga.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Steven

Obnoxiously loud drunk guy: I need a girl who will respect my receding hairline!

–Virgil's, W 44th St

Overheard by: Check, please!

Thugette: I'm just going to say, "Look, I mean no disrespect, but go fuck yourself. I mean no disrespect, but just go fuck yourself."

–6 Train

Overheard by: i mean disrespect

20-something guy to friend: Man, you don't understand. I really respect this broad…

–35th St & Lexington

Could I Use Your Vagina As a Stunt Gorge?

(little boy has a Hot Wheels car and he's rolling it all over everything around him)
Boy
: Mom, can I roll it on your head?

Mom: No, you'll mess up my hair.
Boy: Your arms?
Mom: Yeah, sure.
Boy: Your chest?
Mom: No, that's not appropriate.
Boy: Okay…your nipples?
Mom: That's definitely not appropriate.
Boy (disappointed): Aaww…

–6 Train

Overheard by: 1-800-mattres

Global Warming? Really?

Six-year-old daughter: What’s wrong? You’re looking at me like it’s my fault, but you’re saying it’s not my fault, but I get the feeling it is my fault.
Mother: I’m not saying it’s your fault this time. I’m just saying if you keep doing things wrong, it will be your fault.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Ari

“It's a Small Wednesday One-Liner After All”

College girl: Yeah, the worst part about Africa was that we, like, didn't go out!

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Noemi

Shabby-looking blue collar mom to distinguished older Indian woman: Ohhh! I have always wanted to go to Bollywood! I love East Africa and Asia! I wanted to buy a bonsai tree, but they are way too expensive.

–5 Train

20-something, looking at Washington arch: There was something like this in France.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: M

Guy on cell: I swear I didn't have sex with her when I was in Norway.

–Lower East Side

I’m Not Sure a Finger Is a Comprehensive Response

Soccer mom: I dropped a twenty dollar bill last time I was in here, like, two weeks ago. Did anybody find it and turn it in?
Cashier: Ya know, we’ve gotten so many twenties turned in this month, you’re going to have to identify yours. Whats the serial number?

–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave

Overheard by: Veronica at www.lonelyroadsandpsychopaths.com