Archive for the ‘Moms’ Category

Maybe if it was, your father would finally want to give me an orgasm

Daughter: But mom, I don’t like the chicken.
Mother: Sorry, honey, not everything can be McDonald’s.

Headline by: Snowy in Seattle

· “Hates the chicken, but loves the cock” – Humberto
· “Hookers on “Take Your Daughter to Work Day”” – Krisztina
· “Just give George Bush one more term…” – Noh
· “M.A.F.D.- Mothers Against Fat Daughters” – L Friz
· “McDonlads is the only thing that doesn’t taste like chicken” – Babakganoosh
· “So shut up and eat the rest of your Meow Mix” – remark

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Every Little Wednesday One-Liner Helps

Professor: Gods, these students. It’s like they just don’t get it, you tell them things and two minutes later they ask you the same thing. How did they get here? What are they going to major in? In "homelessness"?

–English Department, Hostos Community College

Well-dressed 20-something girl: Homeless people tell me to cheer up all the time!

–1 train

Rich woman #1, fixing rich woman #2’s scarf: [laughs] Oh my god, you look homeless!

–1 Train

Overheard by: sagehen

Well-dressed woman on cell: It’s just another Wednesday and I’m a bag lady.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Mother to her flock of children entering the train and then getting off: Run guys run, theres a homeless guy on that train! Run!

–F Train

Overheard by: yana

You Are a Worthy Adversary, My Son!

Mom: So, you’re gay, right?
Son: No, Mom, I’m not gay.
Mom: Yes, you are. I’ve seen your clothes.
Son: All the guys wear these.
Mom: All the gay ones, maybe.
Son: Go away.
Mom: If you were straight, you wouldn’t have cried so much after you were pushed out of my vagina.
Son: Actually, I think that proves my straightness. No straight guy could look at your cunt and not cry.

–6 train