Archive for the ‘Moms’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me…

Ghetto black woman to four-year-old son: The ice ain't gonna respect you, you gotta respect the ice, nigga.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Steven

Obnoxiously loud drunk guy: I need a girl who will respect my receding hairline!

–Virgil's, W 44th St

Overheard by: Check, please!

Thugette: I'm just going to say, "Look, I mean no disrespect, but go fuck yourself. I mean no disrespect, but just go fuck yourself."

–6 Train

Overheard by: i mean disrespect

20-something guy to friend: Man, you don't understand. I really respect this broad…

–35th St & Lexington

Could I Use Your Vagina As a Stunt Gorge?

(little boy has a Hot Wheels car and he's rolling it all over everything around him)
Boy
: Mom, can I roll it on your head?

Mom: No, you'll mess up my hair.
Boy: Your arms?
Mom: Yeah, sure.
Boy: Your chest?
Mom: No, that's not appropriate.
Boy: Okay…your nipples?
Mom: That's definitely not appropriate.
Boy (disappointed): Aaww…

–6 Train

Overheard by: 1-800-mattres

Global Warming? Really?

Six-year-old daughter: What’s wrong? You’re looking at me like it’s my fault, but you’re saying it’s not my fault, but I get the feeling it is my fault.
Mother: I’m not saying it’s your fault this time. I’m just saying if you keep doing things wrong, it will be your fault.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Ari