Archive for the ‘More museums’ Category

The Penises Get Mad When We're Late

Girl: I'm really bad at observing people.
Friend: I love Sleeping Beauty.
Girl: I can't write about art if it's, like, asked by my teachers. That's what I hate about this class. Last semester I had to reckon with a Louise Bourgeois essay… All her penises. Are you guys ready to go?

–Cooper-Hewitt, National Design Museum

Overheard by: Alex Bailey

The Best Things in Life Are Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on cell: Why aren't you looking for some boy to do it for free?

–E 3rd & 1st Ave

Overweight MTA worker with megaphone: Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. No shirt, no shoes: no service!

–Franklin Ave Subway

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Homeless guy: Free boogers! Get your free boogers!

–8th & 6th

Overheard by: Zack

Old woman with glass of wine and full plate, stumbling out onto the sidewalk: Ha! It's free! Everyone, free food! Ha!

–Open House Art Exhibition, 106th St & Broadway

Guy giving out free pens: Come on, don't be shy! Come get your free pens! This is New York City, only thing you're gonna get for free are these pens and your mother's love.

–Kimmel, NYU

Wanna-be thug eating ice cream: Wanna know how much I paid for this? S'free! I stole it.

–125th St & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Hobo stopped for stealing a box of bottled water: But Obama's President! Everything should be motherfucking free for the next 279 years!

–Duane Reade

I Guess He Never Called

Teen girl #1: The only time I ever gave head I was really drunk. I just remember when he started cumming, I jumped up and screamed “Ew, gross!”
Teen girl #2: Ha, ha, ha. Who was it?
Teen girl #1: Well, that’s why I think third base is disgusting. I just skip over it.
Teen girl #2: Who was it?
Teen girl #1: In conclusion, don’t go to third base. Ever.
Teen girl #2: Alright. –MoMA

200 Wednesday One-Liners, and There's Nothing to Watch.

Professor: Do you guys watch American Idol? It's painful.

–Lehman College

Film student #1: It's kind of like Cloverfield meets The L Word.

–Waverly Place & Broadway

Valley girl wearing UGGs, pointing to Guggenheim: Oh! I think this is the building where Blair and Serena live!

–Outside of Guggenheim

Really effeminate 40-something man: I always pick up when he calls, and he was so mad I didn't this time… but I couldn't, because I was still in mourning over American Idol!

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Melissa

Queer to female friend: I was watchin' Oprah the other day. Oprah is legit! She had Christina Applegate on. You know, that girl from Married with Children and she was talkin' 'bout her breasts. She got breast cancer and they took both of them off! She had on of them lumpectomies.

–J Train

Guy: That's the new American dream–fuck up your life so much that you get your own tv show.

–Fundraising Walk, Battery Park

Overheard by: Harriet Vane