Archive for the ‘More museums’ Category

Wednesday One-Liner Can Be Made Of Ivory, Glass, Rubber and Sometimes Wood

Loud girl to friend: How the hell do you lose your vibrator?

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm just waiting in line at Whole Foods. Still want me to bring the dildo over?

–Whole Foods

Gay man to boyfriend: I'm glad we could come here and show your coworkers that we really do buy lube for our sexual adventures.

–The Leather Man

Overheard by: i don't go to sex shops with my boyfriend

Creepy older man on phone: Someone should really dildo her.

–5th Ave & 58th St.

Overheard by: Courtney

Girl, loudly: Why didn't you tell me you bought lube?!

–Crowded NYU Elevator

Overheard by: S

Large woman to group of friends: And if someone asks a question, I just wave a dildo in front of their eyes!

–Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: Liat

No Meal Is Complete Without Wednesday One-Liner!

Suit: Guess what he found. (pause) A stick of butter. (pause) In the soap dish of the bathtub upstairs.

–Cafe Toda, Broadway & John St

Loud teenage boy: They're completely uncivilized. They don't even use tomato sauce.

–Japan Society

Overheard by: Sunny

Student, about dorm room: I walk in and thought there was a pile of shit on my bed. I look a little closer, and it was a fucking wad of dip.

–College, The Bronx

Student to another: Who made you the butter police?

–Union & 7th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lauren Razzore

Wednesday One-Liner Pong

Frat dude: Mickey Mantle is the one dead person I would totally bring back to life to have gay sex with.

–Yankee Stadium Museum

Overheard by: sternie

30-something fratboy to wife: He still gives me mixtapes like we're still in high school!

–65th & Broadway

Overheard by: ENGLEBERT

Young frat boy to friend, deadpan: I came on her face. Then her mom walked in.

–59th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Josie

Drunk frat boy trying to pick up a girl wearing a red and white striped shirt: I'm sorry for interrupting, but I just wanted to tell you…I found Waldo.

–88th & 1st

Fratboy on phone: When was the baby born? (pause) Sick, dude!

–Penn Station

Even the Dogs Can Recite This Story by Now

Middle aged dad: Reminds me of something I saw around 1968. This hippie had two dogs…
Teenage daughter, interrupting: One was named Shitsy McFuck and the other was named Fucksy McShit.
Middle aged dad: I guess I told you that story before, huh?
Teenage daughter: So many times, I can't believe you're not in a nursing home.

–In Line to see Art Exhibition, W46th St

Overheard by: Big Larry

200 Wednesday One-Liners, and There's Nothing to Watch.

Professor: Do you guys watch American Idol? It's painful.

–Lehman College

Film student #1: It's kind of like Cloverfield meets The L Word.

–Waverly Place & Broadway

Valley girl wearing UGGs, pointing to Guggenheim: Oh! I think this is the building where Blair and Serena live!

–Outside of Guggenheim

Really effeminate 40-something man: I always pick up when he calls, and he was so mad I didn't this time… but I couldn't, because I was still in mourning over American Idol!

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Melissa

Queer to female friend: I was watchin' Oprah the other day. Oprah is legit! She had Christina Applegate on. You know, that girl from Married with Children and she was talkin' 'bout her breasts. She got breast cancer and they took both of them off! She had on of them lumpectomies.

–J Train

Guy: That's the new American dream–fuck up your life so much that you get your own tv show.

–Fundraising Walk, Battery Park

Overheard by: Harriet Vane