Archive for the ‘Movies’ Category

According to Legend, Mr. Wonka Never Went Back

Big black woman, on Halloween: Who are you supposed to be, The Mad Hatter?
Guy: I'm Willy Wonka. Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka from the seventies.
Big black woman: Oh, I never would have known. You know, what you need is an accessory, a prop.
Guy: Like what? I look just like him!
Big black woman: You need a chocolate woman on your arm. –Jack Dempsey's Pub

Nothing Quite as Cultured as Interjecting with a Slur

White guy: Alien vs. Predator was such a bad movie.
Black guy: Tell me something. Where do Alien and Predator come from?
White guy: What do you mean? They come from somebody’s imagination, of course.
Black guy: No, I mean what movies they came from.
White guy: You are aware that there was a movie called Alien and there was another called Predator.
Black guy: Nope, never even heard of them.
Old man: Learn the culture, nigger! –Q46 bus Overheard by: Ting

That Explains All Those Cuts on My Penis!

Dude #1: Oh, The Spiderwick Chronicles is out!
Dude #2 (in awe): Dude, did you see that?
Dude #1: Yeah, it was amazing!
Dude #2: Yeah? How were the graphics?
Dude #1: Dude–amazing!
Dude #2: Dude–you have braces!
Dude #1: Yeah, dude, I told you. God! –Blockbuster Overheard by: brianfair Headline by: mike Runners-Up:
· “And the Winner for Youngest Bro Of the Week Goes To….” – jumpstop
· “Ashton Kutcher Needs to Stop Producing Reality TV” – D. Emmy
· “Even Siskel & Ebert Had to Start Somewhere.” – space coyote
· “Life Imitates Ashton Kutcher Films…” – Duuude
· “Someone’s Getting Laid Tonight!” – lisa
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners for Celebretards

Young black guy to another: You know, Obama is to politics what Richard Simmons is to exercise. –PATH Train Guy standing outside bar: And she was like, "What, like Gary Coleman?" and I'm like, "No, not like fucking Gary Coleman!" –4th & 10th Girl to boyfriend: Well, Tom Green only had one testicle. It's totally fine. –E 11th St Overheard by: j Suit on cell: And I was like, "Fuck you, Ryan Cabrera"! –Bedford & 6th St Black girl on cell: I told you, we're like the Paris Hiltons of Liberia. –Borders, Wall St Overheard by: step Guy (after taking picture with Jeremy Piven): Damn! I can't put this on MySpace. I'm wearing the same shirt I wore when I met Chazz Palminteri! –Outside Barrymore Theatre Overheard by: Pasta…Salad

The Island of Dr. Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep. –Elevator, 56th & 8th Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama! –Terminal 5 Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses? –Cafe Esperanto Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator! –TriBeCa Overheard by: lalala Swanky pin-stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox. –51st & 3rd Overheard by: IG Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers. –4 Train Overheard by: BQM lady Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats! –Astor Place