Archive for the ‘Movies’ Category

Night-Night, Wednesday-One-Liner Tight!

20-something girl: I mean, I can always sleep on top of him.

–Strawberry's, Queens Centre Mall

Overheard by: i like that option…

Man to friend: I keep having dreams about being with other women, and I've never had them before. I think it must be the time of year or something.

–Hudson River Park

Girl on cell: Well, he slipped me Ecstasy while I was sleeping…

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Guy on cell: That's awesome! (pause) That's awesome! (pause) Dude, that's like reverse Sleepaway Camp!

–27th & 2nd

Overheard by: liz

Nurse: I just want to stop having dreams of him saying "pap-smear pap-smear pap-smear…"

–Columbia University

Overheard by: p y l

Wednesday One-Liners Think Bugs Bunny Is Gay

Fat girl to friends: You know who I want to be? Motherfucking Rainbow Brite. Bitch had a flying horse.

–29th & 7th

20-something guy, following very loud clap of thunder: By the power of Greyskull!

–Center Boulevard, Long Island City

Overheard by: mixxy5

Hobo, to no one in particular: Find me on the computer; my name's Scooby-Doo.

–Starbucks

Cop to partner: God, working with you is like working with Stewie Griffin. (whiney) Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaan… Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaan!

–Train

Isn't That “Yippee-ki-yay, Motherfucker”?

Teacher: So, in Gangs of New York, Amsterdam throws the bible into the river. What does this represent?
Student #1: He's rejecting his religion because he wants to get revenge.
Teacher: Right. The bible says…
Student #2: “You shall not get revenge”!
Teacher: I don't think that's actually what it says.
Student #2: Yeah, whatever… It could be the 11th commitment!

–St. Francis Prep, Queens

In New York, Even a Compliment Can Get You Beaten Up

Doo-wop busker: Hey man, anyone ever tell you that you look just like Wynton Marsalis?
Black guy who does actually look like Wynton Marsalis: Who?
White woman: Oh! Yeah, he does!
Doo-wop busker: Yeah, am I right? Wynton Marsalis, in the flesh.
Black guy: I don't even know who that is.
Doo-wop busker: Jazz trumpet, man. Genius.
White woman: He's a wonderful musician. You should look him up!
Black guy: Uh, sure. What was the name again?
Doo-wop busker: Wyn-ton. Mar-sa-lis. They ever make a movie of his life, you got it made.

–R Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

In That It Sucks for All Eternity

Girl #1, in line for movie: This line is so long. Maybe we should go see another movie and come back and get our phones after.
Girl #2: That's not a bad idea. What could we see?
Girl #1: I would totally see Twilight again.
Girl #2: I didn't see it the first time you guys went.
Girl #1: Oh my god! You would love it! Did you like Degrassi?
Girl #2: Of course! That show is awesome.
Girl #1: Well Twilight is like Degrassi but with vampires. It's awesome!

–Loews Lincoln Center Theater

Overheard by: Suffering in silence

Apparently Two Gays Don't Make a Straight

Drunk man #1: Oh my god, Lily Tomlin, man?
Drunk man #2: Yeah?
Drunk man #1: Yeah, really! Nine to Five? Awesome.
Drunk man #2: I didn't know.
Drunk man #1: Yeah, dude! She was in Blue Hawaii with Elvis.
Drunk man #2: I had no idea.
Drunk man #1: I wish I met her, man. She died right after she married Lou Reed.

–Grand Central Station

Wednesday One-Liners' Cocktail Hour Started Back in the Eighties

Cop to another: Are you drunk yet?

–Corner of 145th St

Frustrated-sounding NYU student to friend: Well, why don't you get a girl and you can just pretend she's drunk?

–Washington Square

Future rabbi: So my philosophy professor, Lenny Kravitz, told us we'll be drinking scotch in class tomorrow…

–4th & Broadway

Drunk black guy arguing on phone: Man, you need to stop drinkin'. Not only is yo speech gettin' slurred, but yo brains is gettin' slurred too!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Ashley

Dude to friend: I swear to god, every time he gets a little buzzed he thinks he's Austin Powers.

–40th & 7th

Overheard by: thivnav