Archive for the ‘Murder’ Category

And a Large Trash Bag, If You Have Any

Crazy Italian man to cashier: Fucking asshole! Where's my fucking money, fucking asshole?! You owe me money! She's German!
Cashier: Who?
Crazy Italian man: The German whore owes me $10,000! You'll be finding her body in the basement! That whore better watch out! I'm Italian and I know mafiosi from here to Beverly Hills! …I'll have a coffee to go…

–Europan Cafe, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: ryan and erin

Just a Little Bit Of Wednesday One-Liner Repeating

Mother to child in front of diorama of pilgrims and Native Americans: Well, that's because the Indians never met real people before.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Peter R.

Young girl, arriving through train tunnel at Grand Central Station: I wonder if Harriet Tubman is down here.

–Grand Central Station

Airhead: I think like… Colonialization is like… The umbrella theme of, like… Diplomacy.

–Pommes Frites

History teacher, about Andrew Jackson: He tight, he kill mad people, he buggin'.

–High School

Teacher, discussing Thomas Jefferson's mistress: You see, guys? History is exciting! It's full of sex!

–High School, Lower Manhattan

Overheard by: SzN31

Come to New York! It’s Safe, Really!

Black woman: You don’t go in there, girl, that’s the men’s bathroom! If you go in there, they’re going to rape you! And don’t think that they wouldn’t, because they will! They’re going to put you down on the floor and rape you and your daughter! You listen to me, girl! –Penn Station Overheard by: James Levinsohn Husband: Yeah, keep walking! You know you can’t come back this way. They kill you here! They don’t just kill you, they kill everyone here! –Central Park

If It's a Pick-Up Artist, You're in Luck!

Tall guy in crowded silent elevator: Everyone going to the Robert Mann gallery? (after no response, to attractive woman next to him) So, where are you from?
Woman: Rwanda.
Man: Oh, I don't actually know anyone from Rwanda, but I've spoken to some people from there.
Woman, politely: Oh. Where are you from?
Man, ignoring question: So, do you have family back there?
Woman: No, they were all killed in the genocide.
Man: I'm terribly sorry about that. So, what have you come to see?

–Art Building, 11th Ave & 24th St

Overheard by: andrew a

Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea…

–Columbus & 62nd St

Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking.

–Columbia University

Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke!

–Spring & Hudson

Overheard by: Oscar Gamble

Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity.

–125th St Fairway

Overheard by: Just Shoppint

Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes

Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you.

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung