Archive for the ‘Murder’ Category

Overheard in Wednesday One-Liner

20-something dude to another: It's so hard to get laid in this city before 11 pm!

–M-15 Bus

Hottie: I am in New York City. You need to make $250,000 to live like a white person.

–28th & 29th

Overheard by: A black person from Chicago

20-something male to female: So you'd better be prepared. It's like the Times Square of New York.

–16th St & Union Square

Overheard by: Annie B

Middle-aged Hispanic dude to Indian salesperson: This is New York City. Nobody's gonna kill you, okay?

–Rite-Aid

Young gay man: That's what I hate about New York City. It's such a fucking small town.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: molls

And You Look Cute, If I May Say So

Woman #1: Ohmigod.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: Ohmigod!
Woman #2: What? What?!
Woman #1: Why am I naked on twitter??!
Woman #2: You can be naked on that thing? Sign me up!
Woman #1: I'm gonna kill that prick!
Woman #2: (laughs)
Woman #1: What's so funny?!
Woman #2: They should call it “twatter.”
Woman #1: Shut up.
Woman #2: Tweets from your twat.
Woman #1: So you're not gonna take this seriously?
Woman #2: … Fodder from twatter.

–Dunkin' Donuts

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Gravy

20-something girl to another: You know, with most of the other saints, the way they met their demise had no entertainment value!

–Morningside Heights

Woman to guy, nodding thoughtfully: Hell, no, I'm not going to jail! I don't care if he killed him, he's not gonna kill me too!

–Crown Heights

Grandpa wearing Brooklyn dodgers cap to grandson: Listen to me! Are you listening to me? The last two guys who didn't listen to me ended up dead with their heads blown off! Is that what you want? (pause) So… You hungry?

–IKEA Parking, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gene D. Gray

30-something guy: If I were 28, in great shape, and everyone loved me, I wouldn't just be in trouble with the law, I'd be dead.

–Mooncake Foods, Soho

Overheard by: Robert

Crazy Puerto Rican with wild poodle: Mira! Mira! Cancel the fucking casket–she ain't dead yet, bitch! Mira!

–86th St & East End