Archive for the ‘Murder’ Category

Dial “M” for Wednesday One-Liner

Man with entourage: So I killed one just before I went to sleep. (entourage laughs) Yeah, and I left it on her ceiling as a warning.

–Bleecker & Broadway

Dude walking down street: And if I kill him, I'm certified to bring him back to life…

–Brooklyn

Old man to another: You know, I don't even give a shit if I die anymore!

–E 84th St

Girl to friend: Why would you put the poison in milk?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michela

20-something guy: Fucking corduroy! I've gotta tell ya, I fucking love corduroy! I swear to god, I'd kill for corduroy!

–J.Crew Men's Store

Overheard by: Pedro

The Gasman Promised to Use His Powers Only for Good

7-year-old boy: I can beat you up in a fight!
Mom: Oh, Lord, here we go…
7-year-old boy: What?
Mom: I said “Oh, Lord, here we go”!
7-year-old boy: I can beat you in fight! You said so yourself!
Mom: When?
7-year-old boy: You said my farts could kill people!
Mom: That's right, even in a hurricane.

–7th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: EVB

Wednesday One-Liner Is the Second-Largest Property Owner in NYC, After the Catholic Church

Columbia student to another: When I get rich, I'm totally having the sweat glands in my armpits removed.

–Columbia University

Undergrad to friend: So I should tell you about today's existential crisis…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Katie Naum

Guy to group of friends: Hey, you guys ever watch that video in health ed, of disabled people having sex? It was upsetting.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: L-Dubbs

Columbia undergrad: I am taking so many classes right now, like 18 credits, cause I have no clue what to do with my life. Part of me wants to go to business school here because I can make a lot of money fast, and part of me wants to go to law school here because it's more practical and will make me more over the long run. But then I am also in this class on genocide, which is a topic I love. So maybe I will do something with that instead.

–Max Cafe, 122nd & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: reluctantprof

The Final Solution to Wednesday One-Liners

College girl to friend: So I was looking through all my pictures… You know, all my pictures of Nazis.

–Central Park

Overheard by: ruegah

NYU film student to another, looking at picture of French actor Benoit Magimel: He's hot in that Hitler Youth kind of way.

–NYU Tisch Building

Guy to friend: Killing zombies is the new killing Nazis.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Preston

Random hipster: Sometimes I think Hitler was right.

–Music Hall of Williamsburg

Borders employee: I'm sorry, ma'am, we do have books about Hitler, but they're all for children.

–Borders