Pissed dude: That woman is such an uptight asshole!
Bemused friend: Dude, she just needs to get laid–you should totally fuck her!
Pissed dude: I'll fucking kill her!
Bemused friend: With your dick!
–10th St & 4th Ave
Archive for the ‘Murder’ Category
Although Mimes in Whiteface Are Worse
Toddler girl: And if she does it again, I'll kill her!
Mother: What?
Korean lady crossing the street: Blackface!
–W 3rd & Sullivan St
Overheard by: Billy Pelt
The Gasman Promised to Use His Powers Only for Good
7-year-old boy: I can beat you up in a fight!
Mom: Oh, Lord, here we go…
7-year-old boy: What?
Mom: I said “Oh, Lord, here we go”!
7-year-old boy: I can beat you in fight! You said so yourself!
Mom: When?
7-year-old boy: You said my farts could kill people!
Mom: That's right, even in a hurricane.
–7th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: EVB
High School's Really More About Human Sacrifice
Art teacher: Okay, your assignment for this weekend is to slaughter a small goat.
Student, after minute of silence: Oh… She wasn't serious.
–High School, Staten Island
Is There a Point to Gun Violence If You're Already Dead?
Random guy: Yeah, you know you never know who's walking next to you. Some of dis guys walk around with guns, some of dis guys have killed people. How do you know?
Bus driver: Yeah man, I mean you know if I ever make it to heaven and some of dis guys are up there wit me, I'm gonna be pissed!
–X1 Express Bus
Wednesday One-Liner Is the Second-Largest Property Owner in NYC, After the Catholic Church
Columbia student to another: When I get rich, I'm totally having the sweat glands in my armpits removed.
–Columbia University
Undergrad to friend: So I should tell you about today's existential crisis…
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Katie Naum
Guy to group of friends: Hey, you guys ever watch that video in health ed, of disabled people having sex? It was upsetting.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: L-Dubbs
Columbia undergrad: I am taking so many classes right now, like 18 credits, cause I have no clue what to do with my life. Part of me wants to go to business school here because I can make a lot of money fast, and part of me wants to go to law school here because it's more practical and will make me more over the long run. But then I am also in this class on genocide, which is a topic I love. So maybe I will do something with that instead.
–Max Cafe, 122nd & Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: reluctantprof
The Final Solution to Wednesday One-Liners
College girl to friend: So I was looking through all my pictures… You know, all my pictures of Nazis.
–Central Park
Overheard by: ruegah
NYU film student to another, looking at picture of French actor Benoit Magimel: He's hot in that Hitler Youth kind of way.
–NYU Tisch Building
Guy to friend: Killing zombies is the new killing Nazis.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Preston
Random hipster: Sometimes I think Hitler was right.
–Music Hall of Williamsburg
Borders employee: I'm sorry, ma'am, we do have books about Hitler, but they're all for children.
–Borders
Your Editors Are Avoiding the Heliport
Conductor on PA: 34th Street next, stand clear of the closing doors.
Hobo, to self: 34th? You could get killed!
–A Train
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Wednesday, with Some Scattered One-Liners in the Early Evening
Hobo: Everyone, please believe me, I had nothing, I tell you–nothing, to do with this rain!
–6 Train
Overheard by: thanks for that clearing that up
Black guy sitting on stoop to white guy standing the rain: I can't offer you a warm vagina but I can offer you a dry haven.
–1st Ave & 7th St
Overheard by: D Dot
Hobo to sky, as it begins to rain: You gotta do better than drizzling if you want to flood the Earth! We got murders and rapists down here! There are pedophiles and traffickers and thieves and liars and idolaters! I'm ready: I got the life goggles you sent me! (holds up scuba mask) Thank you for making me in your image, Lord. Amen.
–24th St b/w Broadway & 6th Ave
Overheard by: EmLo
Man, as it begins to rain: Goddamn rain, man! Only in New York!
–Park Place & Broadway
Overheard by: Bo Vanderpants
Woman on cell: Yeah, the weather is beautiful this morning. I'm strolling like a motherfucker.
–Lexington & 90th St
Wednesday One-Liners Kill You With Your Own Collarbone
Drunk to Asian guy: Tell me, why is it that when Asians get in street fights, they never use their martial arts?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Fonvielle
Waiter: Please let me know if you have any food allergies. We ninjas don't like to kill by accident; we only kill on purpose.
–Ninja Japanese Restaurant
Little boy to grandfather: Hey grandpa, are you a black belt or any kind of ninja?
–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jess
Health care worker: I'ma kill that ninja!
–Brooklyn Health Center