Archive for the ‘Murray Hill and Gramercy’ Category

Another Year Older and None the Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on cell: Happy birthday! (pause) Okay, call me when you're drunk!

–45th St

Girl on cell: Then when I volunteered to give her to him on his birthday.

–Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Vincent L.

Crazy guy: I'm turning 65 tomorrow… Stayin' away from hoes…

–St. Mark's & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Guy to friend: I am boycotting your birthday if I can see your butt cheeks in your outfit.

–23rd & 3rd

“There's No Wednesday One-Linering in Baseball!”

Dad to whiny three-year-old daughter: And now you're going to try and manipulate me by crying.

–186th St & Ft. Washington Ave

Girl to friends: That's just the way the world is. You don't see me cryin' whenever someone calls me a fat bitch or a short bitch or an ugly bitch…

–23rd & 8th

15-year-old boy: Yo, I'd cry if that happened to me, but I'm just sensitive like that.

–A Train

Overheard by: pop pop

Girl: And then you know I take out my yo-yo and start dancing. And then you know I'm multi-tasking! I'm yo-yoing, dancing and crying all at the same time!

–LaGuardia High School

Woman on cell: Alex, stop crying. Stop crying. What about the breadsticks, were there at least breadsticks?

–34th & 6th

The Other Times He Was Meditating

Dreadlocked guy: I’m a customer and you’re saying I can’t use the restroom? Ambiguously ethnic deli owner: You can’t use it this often. You come here every day and stay there for 20-25 minutes. I don’t know what you’re doing in there. Dreadlocked guy: Well if you want to get so technical, the first time I was taking a dump. –34th & 1st

Every Wednesday One-Liner Has Its Price

Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets.

–10 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Jarrod

Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options.

–Grand St, Chinatown

Overheard by: Mike Posillico

Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song.

–Bx15 Bus

Overheard by: Karly

Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold!

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: Dahouhou

Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there.

–14th St, across Doomed Megastore

Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin

The White Devil's Wednesday One-Liners

Older black man to nobody in particular: Ain't nothin' done changed in two-hundred years! White folks is still goin' round makin' a mess and then makin' a black man come in and clean up after them…

–Post Office, Gun Hill & Jerome, The Bronx

Asian girl: Do white people eat sandwiches for dinner?

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Spec

Black teen girl: If a sister is feeding a white bitch, you know she is fucked up.

–T.G.I. Friday's

Overheard by: Chris K

Black chick: But can a Frenchman be a honky?

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Hunter

Linguistically savvy hobo: The term "cracker" originated from a man named Robert Whitely. It was used to refer to people as "white trash".

–37th & 3rd

Latina woman to elderly mother: We gonna find you a seat soon, mami. If I gotta beat up white bitches… Let's go.

–3rd & 1st

Overheard by: j