Archive for the ‘Museum of Natural History’ Category

Please Pick Up After Your Wednesday One-Liners

Crazy guy with black Labrador (angrily): Why didn't you say anything? I thought you were my friend.

–3rd & Sullivan

Overheard by: Sizzle

Middle aged Rastafari to Labrador: This isn't a chew toy, motherfucker!

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Sarah

Man to small puppy: You're so round and furry, aren't you Oscar? You're like a Mexican!

–Fordham Road

Old lady with tiny dog: Sparky, I really don't want to be in here.

–PETCO, Union Square

Overheard by: Ave

Woman to dog: Oh, rolling onto your back again, are you? Just like the slutty girl at prom…

–Extra Virgin Restaurant, The Village

Overheard by: wink

(crazy hobo walks up to little girl's dog and picks it up)
Crazy homeless man (shouting in the dog's face)
: I would name you snowball, but you're brown!


–Tompkins Square Park

Mild-Mannered Wednesday by Day. One-Liner by Night.

Chick on cell: Do you prefer the superhero theme to us in only aprons, holding penis cakes?

–Garden of Eden Supermarket, 107th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

White guy to white girl: Wait, you'd be proud to be supermanned by me?

–D Train

(at the superhero fashion exhibit, in front of Catwoman's display)
Man to little kid
: Oh, and look! She has a whip. I wonder what that's for…


–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: EK

Black guy on cell: Nigga, you can't be James Bond and Batman, you pick which one you are.

–Smith & 9th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ewan Walsh

Girl on cell: Am I gonna need to drug you, put you in a superhero costume, and snap photos?

–Halloween Adventure Store

Overheard by: McF

Batman to four-year-old who jumped out from behind a table: Evan, don't sneak up on me. Superheroes are wound very tight.

–Birthday party, Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: PG

Wednesdays Make You Want to Have One-Liners of Your Own

Little white boy to frustrated black nanny who is trying to hail a cab: My daddy always gets a taxi!

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: Dan

Little boy: This place is like a dead zoo.

–American Museum of Natural History

Four-year-old boy: Yo, this sofa is mad comfy!

–Used Furniture Store, Staten Island

Four-year-old boy: That’s enough, I’m calling Interpol!

–A Train

Overheard by: Swarles

Little girl to mom after terrible Skyride attraction: Mommy, can we never do this again?
(random guy behind her starts laughing) Stop it! Stop laughing at me!

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: Claire

Eight-year-old boy: This museum is inappropriate.

–The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Greek & Roman Sculpture Wing

Overheard by: Taylor

Maury Povich Says You’re the Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on phone: His dad’s, like, crazy, and he lives in a house all by himself, and the saddest thing is… the saddest thing is this guy’s dad is even uglier than our dad!

–Waverly Place b/w Mercer & Greene

Woman: Don’t even think about humping your father’s feet!

–President & Columbia

[Before the start of the NYC pillow fight.]
Pillow-fighter
: I’m gonna beat you all down like you were my daddy! [Hits people with his pillow.] Why weren’t you there, dad, why!?


–Union Square

Guy on cell: Hey dude, my flight has been delayed like an hour, yeah it does suck… [Pause.] Dude, from this point on I’m calling you "daddy". No: "big daddy". Yeah, hey big daddy…

–US Airways Terminal, Laguardia Airport

Little girl pointing at a grizzly bear: Daddy! Daddy!

–Museum of Natural History

Presenting the Wednesday One-Liners Lollipop

Girl: He’s like, "Why so cold?" and I’m like, "You licked my ear! You licked my ear! You licked my ear! I cannot emphasize enough that you licked my ear."

–43rd & 9th

Girl on cell: So if he licked my pussy, would it ruin our friendship?

–W 4th Street

Eight-year old boy: Can I please lick your eyeball, mom?

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: thankfully, not the mom

20-something woman talking to friends: So, having some guy really close to your ear with his tongue out is the most horrifying thing ever… Some guy just licked me on the subway. He emptied, like, an entire tube of toothpaste on my hair and back and then proceeded to lick it off me…I got to work and went to the bathroom. I washed my hair, and scrubbed my back raw, but I didn’t feel clean until I got home and took a shower.

–Gift Shop, The Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Lauren Weiss

Girl to friend: And then she bent over and he licked her ass.

–Astor Place Subway Station

Overheard by: Shane and Sammy

Pretentious redhead: So I said, "Please don’t lick me. I’m just trying to do my job."

–Uptown E Train

Overheard by: wondering where she works