Nut: The original voice of Popeye was Allen Swift.
Patron: Allen Swift, huh?
Nut: You don’t believe me.
Patron: No, I’m just, um, impressed that you know so much about Popeye.
–Museum of Television and Radio
Archive for the ‘Museums’ Category
Here’s a Hint: Look for the Steps
Woman: Hey, we should go to Alaska sometime.
Man: Alaska? We can’t even find our way downstairs!
–Eskimo Diorama, American Museum of Natural History
But Khadaffy’s Alive, Right?
Hipster #1: I know that I should know this, but when did Castro die or get overthrown?
Hipster #2: Uh, he’s still in power.
Hipster #1: Oh, that explains why it’s still illegal for us to travel to Cuba.
Hipster #2: Yeah.
–Motorcycle Diaries showing, Brooklyn Art Museum
Wednesday Buy-One-Get-One-Freeliners
Upper East Side crone: I just came back from Sudan, and there was nothing to buy there!
–Gift Shop, American Folk Art Museum
Hick obese wife to hick obese husband: Sometimes I like Wal-Mart better, sometimes I like K-Mart better. It depends on the day.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Emily Faxon
Tourist lady on cell: No, I was in the store the entire time! I got 8 pashminas!
–Canal St
Overheard by: Canadian Girl
Cheerful 10-year-old with cornrows to 30-something woman: This is a world famous store! So don't be surprised if you're still here at one o'clock!
–Macy's, 7th Ave
Asian girl, pointing to D'Agostino: Oh, that's D'Agostino. It's like a Japanese grocery store or something.
–10th St & University
Upper East Side mom: I shop at Target because I like to support out local businesses whenever I can.
–62nd & 3rd
Abstract Expressionist Wednesday One-Liners
Woman sitting in front of bar with friends: I approached motherhood like I approached my art…
–9th St & Ave C
Overheard by: Juliet
Street artist to tourist: I don't have empathy, I paint empathy.
–Soho
Hipster arty type to another: She deserves to be roofied; her prints are horrible.
–Pratt Institute
Hipster to another, at Georgia O'Keefe exhibit: That's a lot of vaginas.
–Whitney Museum
Four-year-old boy to father, at 17th century furniture room: This place gives me the creeps!
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Me too
Mother to child: I seen that picture you did of that boy kissing that girl. (pause) Darren, your art shit is going far!
–Times Square
Wednesday One-Liners Don't Give a Cluck
Extremely tall black woman watching video excerpt of porn star Marilyn Chambers "self pleasuring": Huh, looks like she's cleaning out a chicken.
–Museum of Sex, 5th Ave
Very round and fat short woman on cell: Next time ya come down to Astoria bring me some ribs! (girlishly) Bring me some chicken or some ribs. (pause) Wellll, bring some tomorra! (pause) I'll be lickin' my fingas at 4:30 in the mornin'!
–N Train
Overheard by: I want some ribs too
Suit on cell: So, the chicken comes out of its cage, and then it picks your fortune!
–Baxter St & Walker St
Overheard by: Kristin
High school girl: I'm sorry, but I was really high, and the chicken was just sitting there in the fridge. I mean, would you think someone's a bad person who kills someone when they're drunk? (pause) Let's pretend I didn't say that.
–86 St
Lady on cell: They eat the same thing all the time. Every single day it's curried chicken, white rice, curried chicken, white rice. I just want a damn sushi burger!
–Downtown F Train
Gay guy dressed in black with painted red hair: So fuck it. I'm gonna make a fetish costume for a chicken!
–11st St & 3rd Ave
Here's Leonardo DiCaprio to Explain
Wife: The Titanic sank for hours?!
Husband: No, the sign says the Titanic sank four hours. Over a thousand people died.
Wife: Why didn't they just get on the life boats?
–Titanic Exhibit
Wednesday One-Liners Still Aren't a Tourist Attraction
(looking down at Washington Square Park's currently under-construction fountain)
Girl: Oh, is that where the World Trade Center used to be?
–Kimmel Center
Bensonhurst Italian guy on phone: I can't fuckin' wait for the Freedom Tower.
–Financial District
Suit on cell: Does anyone know where 9/11 is?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jeffrey
Tourist: Is this the train to 9/11?
–R Train
Confused tourist (thinking he's looking at the WTC site): Will you look at that? They put a fucking graveyard in there! I mean, what the fuck?
–St. Paul's Church, Broadway & Fulton
Tourist: My favorite is my 9/11 Santa.
–Museum Shop, 53rd b/w 5th & 6th
You Also Said That About the Hotel Concierge and Our Cabbie
Old woman: Take a picture of me with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and their son.
Young woman: Mom, the black kid isn’t a wax figure.
Old woman: Well, she just keeps adopting them, I thought it was her son!
–Madame Tussaud’s
Overheard by: Julie
It’s Not You, It’s Wednesday One-Liners
Guy to friends: They broke up… He was only in the relationship for the free Nike gear anyway.
–Stone St.
Overheard by: Jen
Hipster dude: So Jane* is coming to the studio tonight to do some recording. Should I have her do it and then break up with her, or break up with her first and then have her do it?
–F Train
Overheard by: dianora
13-year-old girl on cell: What? You broke up with him? That’s so cruel! Um, can I date him?
–Thompson Street, The Village
Excited teen girl: This would be a great place to break up with some people!
–8th St Park
Girl on cell: They broke up? I always thought that them breaking up was like a joke, like saying you don’t like Brussels sprouts when you secretly do, but you just say it because it’s the first yucky vegetable that comes to your mind. But hey, that’s great!
–Outside the Frick Museum
Overheard by: A. Pincus
Guy, yelling from third story fire escape: Sarah! Sarah Whitlock! Don’t leave me! She meant nothing to me! Come back… Please! (pause) Okay, but I’m keeping the deposit!
–E 4th Street
Overheard by: Nima Shirazi